Yellow is for Friendship
by ThePriceIsMeg
Summary: A night on Maura's couch changes everything and Jane has to finally admit her feelings. They agree to take it slow from 'just' friends to girlfriends, and Maura discovers Jane's softer side. Fluffsmut - everything is Rizzles and nothing hurts. ** Winner of Rizzles Fan Awards "Best Fluff" & "Best NC-17" **
1. Chapter 1

**Heads up, if you want angst, homicide, twists, or a plot, turn back! This is just going to be Rizzles fluff/smut :)**

**(Optional prologue: see my story When The Dust Cleared, which breaks up Jane/Casey. If you don't care, just know this is set after season 3 and he's safely out of the picture.)**

**** **Thanks to **fanonproject**, this story is now also available as a downloadable eBook! **mediafire dot com/?syn641qsh5ci5df  
**

* * *

Jane yawned, flipping through the channels aimlessly.

An inconsiderately timed murder had dragged them from their beds at barely four in the morning, and kept them at work until ten. Even though they were tired, both always needed time to wind down, and as usual they ended up on Maura's couch watching nothing in particular on TV.

"How is there seriously an entire channel just for weather?" Jane wondered.

"Weather's certainly important enough to merit its own channel."

"But how can you stretch out a forecast to 24 hours? 'Breaking news: still cloudy!_ Exclusive footage!_'"

"I don't think that's exactly what they do." Maura reached for the remote. "Here."

"Huh-uh."

"You pass things without even giving them a chance."

She stopped on the next station which was a Spanish infomercial, and brought a finger to her lip thoughtfully. "Okay, here's one, shall we make a list of its pros and cons?"

"Give it to me," Maura grabbed.

Jane let her have it, and rested her eyes with a faint smile while the channel search went on without her.

Maura soon stopped because she saw something she liked - not a TV show, but Jane. Slouched on the sofa, dozing without a thought, black socks crossed on the coffee table like this was her own home. And as far as Maura was concerned, it was. It sometimes seemed silly that they even had separate residences, considering the way they were always together. She had become such a part of her life.

On day one, she'd been immediately aware of her physical attraction to the tall, dark detective with the sharp features and husky voice. She had strength, attitude, confidence in herself, and that was sexy because it was well-founded - she was the best at what she did. Even though it wasn't her norm, attraction to a woman didn't really phase Maura. She even flirted a little, open to wherever it might go, but it had gone nowhere.

Then she started to get to know her, and it got complicated.

For years she'd been _Dr. Isles_ even off the clock, keeping up an icily regal fa_ç_ade which few approached and none could pierce; Jane somehow barged right through it without even noticing, shaking her up and thawing her out. Here was somebody who lacked the culture and poise and education and IQ she prized so highly, and yet was smart in ways she could never be, thrived on a wavelength she could barely even detect. Somebody who was strong and brave and funny and just _cool_ - all things she wouldn't even know how to _try_ to be. She found herself looking up to Jane rather than down on her like she first expected to, admiring and respecting her even when she didn't totally understand her. The woman had plenty of defense mechanisms to work around, but underneath them, she proved to be an incredibly loyal and caring friend.

It seemed impossible that Maura had endured so many years without Jane. She already knew what it felt like to be respected professionally, lusted after, loved maybe in the most formal sense - but this was the first time she'd ever felt _liked_, just for being herself. Jane made her feel _worth_ liking, _worth_ protecting and including. It hadn't been long before she tossed common attraction over her shoulder and fell totally in love with the best friend she'd ever had.

Sometimes when they looked at each other right in the eye, she could swear Jane knew the truth. She could almost swear she saw a glimmer of the same feelings looking back, too. But if she made a move and turned out to be wrong... well, Jane could blow up if you said 'good morning,' so there was no telling how harshly she might react to this.

It was late; Jane was probably going to get up and leave as soon as she opened her eyes. Maura didn't want her to go. She wished she lived here. It felt so right and so safe to have her in the house. Of course Maura was perfectly independent, but Jane was still her rock, even though she never told her so.

A loud gunshot rang out, bursting the quiet of the living room. Automatically Jane's arm began to raise toward Maura for the half-second before she realized the shot had come from something on TV.

Reluctant eyes darted to Maura's to see if she'd caught it. She had.

"You're so protective." Maura smirked.

"..uh-huh," Jane answered, face flattening, not sure whether she was being commended or teased.

"It's nice." Maura scooted a little closer to lean back on the couch, and reflected with a fond expression. She loved when Jane was protective towards her - not just in dangerous situations, but in little everyday chivalrous gestures. No one was better at it. She wondered if she even did it consciously. "I bet it feels nice to be like that."

Jane repressed the smile tugging at her mouth while she tried to decide how to respond. She also repressed her instinct to make a joke, electing to simply answer for once. Almost sheepishly, she shrugged and nodded. She'd never want to admit how much it had to do with Maura specifically. How much she was a junkie for that noble swell in her chest - the one that came from looking out for her in any possible situation, from opening doors to stepping in front of bullets. She looked for any excuse to do it.

"I don't really have anybody to do that for," Maura pondered.

"You do sometimes."

"Like when?"

"... Idunno."

She knew Jane just didn't feel like saying whatever she was thinking.

"Why do you hate it when anybody protects you?" Maura asked curiously. "I don't get it."

Jane shrugged.

"I want to know I can take care of myself. Lemme just- ok, I have this memory... I was at the playground and me and this kid were fighting over... I dunno, a ball or whatever, so he pushed me or something and I was about to paste him one, and th-"

"Paste him one what?"

"... I was gonna hit him. So out of nowhere comes my Ma, gets me under the arms, airlifts me out of there, _My baaaby!"_ she imitated Angela's voice._ "_I mean, do you know what that does to your playground cred?" She earned a laugh from Maura. "I always had to take care of stuff myself before somebody beat me to it, otherwise, _ugh_."

"I took care of most things too... but because I knew nobody was coming to do it for me." Since Maura was so intelligent from an early age, her parents had regarded her almost like she was a tiny little adult who could already fend for herself. They didn't step in to assist or defend her nearly as much as other parents. But just because she could get along without it, didn't mean she didn't miss it. "They gave me space to be independent, so I learned how to be independent... I guess I perpetuated the cycle. Maybe if I had let them know..."

Jane's smile faded. Maura didn't talk about her childhood that often, but when she did, it was always some unintentionally heartbreaking little nugget that made Jane want to scoop her up and squeeze her, if only that weren't so far out of her character. She settled for a sympathetic smile.

It was things like this that made Jane want to protect her all the more. She didn't consider Maura in _need_ of care or protection, but she should have it if she wanted it. It just seemed like such an injustice that the most lovable person she'd ever met could really be without a loving, doting family, without a lover to treat her like a queen, without an army of friends to support her through anything. She deserved all of that, and Jane wanted so badly to provide as much of it as she could.

Their eyes stuck, each knowing they were both trying figure out what the other was thinking, and uncomfortably aware of the increasing length. This happened all the time. Jane hoped Maura considered it sort of a game of chicken. _God, those eyes though._

Jane had reached an odd stage of half-acceptance about her feelings for Maura - she knew they were strong, to the point of being something she tried not to think about. It was no use anyway - Maura clearly liked men, and even if she _did_ like women, she'd go for some kind of duchess-physicist or something, not a blue-collar slob like Jane. But perhaps above that, she didn't want to consider herself as anything but straight. If she let the topic take root in her mind, her day would be just a series of minor identity crises. Some days it worked well; others not. Today wasn't one of the best.

_Too long. Stop now._

"I'll take that back." She snatched the remote and busied herself with flipping through the channels some more. After a minute she lingered on a History channel reenactment of a crowd buzzing around a guillotine.

"You're interested in the French Revolution?" Maura asked, preparing to be impressed.

"Oh, totally, it's my favorite revolution," Jane answered sarcastically. "This guy's gonna get his head cut off..."

The scene went to an artistic angle on the blade dropping out of frame, showing nothing else.

"_Weeeak_," she booed at the screen. "C'mon, how hard is it to get a dummy head and some ketchup?"

"These historical reenactments are always rife with inaccuracies," Maura shook her head.

"What, one of the peasants wearing a bluetooth or something?"

"Wouldn't you rather know things are being represented accurately, so you can learn?"

"Why do I need TV to do that when I have you?" Jane answered, lowering the volume a little. "Go."

"Go?"

"Let's hear a fact."

"Oh! Okay… well, did you know that despite the popular belief, Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin did not actually invent the guillotine?" she pointed at the screen.

"I did not know that."

"It was designed by a French surgeon named Antoine Louis, and as a matter of fact, Dr. Guillotin himself opposed the death penalty altogether."

"... Ah."

"Yes. He was merely a member of the committee that proposed the reformation of capital punishment to the National-"

"Okay, good. A+, thank you."

"You never want to hear the entire story," Maura sighed, folding her legs up on the couch.

"…And he lived happily ever after until he got his head chopped off," Jane motioned. "The end."

"No, that part's a misconception also," she covered a yawn. She was sleepy; it would feel so nice to just lower her head to Jane's shoulder. She tested tentatively with half her weight, then when no move was made to push her away, came to rest and closed her eyes comfortably. "He died of natural causes."

Jane's eyes were wide, but she reasoned that there was nothing necessarily weird about this, save that it was a first. Her chuckle at Maura's endearing weirdness came after a few seconds' delay, but by that time, she'd forgotten what they were talking about.

Her lips curled in a private smile, honored that Maura deemed her a safe place to lay her head. But then she was burdened to find herself breathing manually, muscles tensed, worrying whether her heart was beating too fast and if Maura could feel it. Wondering whether it would be weird to put an arm around her, or cold not to. She pried it out from behind Maura, hovered for a few moments deciding how to place it, and slowly and awkwardly lowered it along her side.

Out of view, Maura smirked secretly at her flustered responses.

It was late and Jane had been just about to get off her butt and go home. And take her little dog, too. Her eyes located the furball sleeping quietly across the room. She'd brought her over a few days ago - considering the unusually long hours at work lately, it seemed kinder to leave Jo Friday where Angela could take care of her, instead of cooped up alone in the apartment. Everything Rizzoli just seemed to accumulate at Maura's house.

Jane kept expecting Maura to lift her head and start rambling about French parliament or something, but she didn't. Was she intending to fall asleep here, or…?

Resting her head back on the cushion, Jane let her cheek lean a little against Maura's hair. The scent of her shampoo caught her attention. Probably some kind of _Le Foo-Foo_ salon crap with a bloated price tag. It smelled so good though, like... well, like Maura. She wasn't _smelling_ it. She just… smelled it. How did it just instantly make her feel good?

_Olfactory memory_, Maura's mind could have answered at the same moment. She already had a perfect physiological understanding of the way her brain wired the faintest hint of Jane's scent directly to intense feelings of happiness and longing. Breathing that warm lavender musk directly from her collarbone, she could almost swear she felt slightly intoxicated. The heat of Jane's body, her hair and her pulse and her chest rising and falling, were all exciting and soothing at the same time. She _could_ fall asleep here.

Confusion took a backseat as Jane accepted that this was honestly really pleasant. And totally innocent. Why wouldn't it be? Her eyes caught the flashing end credits of a show she didn't remember starting. Turning the TV off seemed too final; wincing not to move a muscle under Maura, she lowered the volume to near silence instead.

Her eyes were so tired and scratchy. But she liked to watch how the screen's flickering light illuminated Maura's hair.

* * *

In the darkness there was no way to tell the time, but she sensed it was much later. The TV was off.

She tried to blink the sleep from her eyes, feeling Maura's hair stir slightly against her neck, and then lost contact. She was disappointed, but only for a moment, as Maura came back to rest against her cheek instead - but oh, hey, that was not hair, that was her face... _um_... Probably Maura was asleep and just trying to get situated, unaware she was trying to use Jane's face as a pillow. She kept still, not wanting to disturb her.

Silence rang in her ears until she felt lips purse against her skin. Slightly, but definitely. _Oh... kay._ Maura had kissed her cheek. Instead of racking her brain to figure out why, the only thing Jane could do was let her eyes close, wishing she would do it some more. She felt hazy, unable to wake up, like she wasn't completely controlling herself. Could she be dreaming? She _had_ caught herself dreaming a few times in the past. Now that she thought of it, something was weird about the feeling of the air...

Jane found herself moving, her relaxed lips barely trailing across a warm cheek, pausing there, and returning a silent kiss. Then she smiled against Maura's face. It actually felt so nice to be this close to her, and to show some affection which her personality didn't always allow. She just hoped they didn't have to talk about this.

Another kiss graced her own cheek. As her head turned, their lips grazed. Maura slipped Jane's bottom lip between hers, letting them close so softly that Jane could barely feel them. It was not even a kiss, at first, more like they were just feeling each other - but it didn't take much for it become a kiss, one so light and slow and sleepy that Jane felt like she was floating. It wasn't the fact that they kissed, but the sense of total comfort, that made Jane know for sure that she was dreaming. It didn't even feel weird or wrong at all, just... kind of... nice.

Jane's nose slid to Maura's cheekbone, nuzzling softly up into her hairline. She felt free to indulge an urge she had practically every time she looked at Maura - simply to press a chaste kiss to her temple, before resting hers comfortably against it.

Something jolted Jane's head forward, making her eyes snap open and her body lurch, disoriented. One leg slid away and pulled the rest of her down with it, thudding in a heap on the floor with one arm still flailing in vain to catch herself.

"Pffffwhat-" she squinted in confusion at the carpet in front of her face, blindingly illuminated by a ray of sunlight. "Ow- the hell?"

"Jane! I'm sorry," warm laughter broke an apology into staccato notes. "Are you okay?"

"What just happened," she croaked, struggling into a sitting position between Maura's couch and coffee table, swiping hair out of her face and scowling at the brightness of the room.

"You were sleeping on my stomach, and you moved your head and it tickled and I started laughing and you got startled," Maura laughed some more until her face settled into an amused smile. The sounds of morning traffic murmured outside.

The fondness in her eyes made Jane recall the night - the dream - and she tried not to let any reaction register on her face. And, wow, how long had Maura let her sleep on her stomach? She wished she'd been aware of it.

"What time is it?"

Jane blinked at her watch. "Half past seven."

"Would you like the shower first?" Maura asked, stretching her neck.

"You go, I'll… make us some breakfast."

Maura made an impressed face before rising to disappear from the room.

The notes of her voice hummed through the wall as she said good morning to Bass. Jane's smile rested in one hand, elbow on the couch, practically able to see Maura with X-ray vision as she (almost certainly) bent to pet him politely and adorably on the shell.

"Ookay," she groaned, hoisting herself up onto her feet. She clicked on the TV for company and ambled to the refrigerator to see what she'd gotten herself into. Honestly, she hadn't offered to cook out of generosity. It wasn't that Maura's cooking was bad. Objectively, it was excellent. But Jane didn't _like_ excellent cooking. Doing the cooking herself was one way to avoid being presented with another dainty, garnished plate of _what-the-hell_. There must be some normal ingredients around here.

She pulled a carton of eggs from the top shelf. The brown kind, not surprisingly. She wondered what the difference was, besides the vague notion that brown eggs were fancier. Organic or... free-range or something. Maybe the chickens listened to Beethoven.

Jane surveyed the rest of the fridge with growing displeasure - found some kind of cheese, smelled it, and put it right back. She took the only items that didn't confuse or disgust her, an onion and a bell pepper. They were probably free-range, too.

She could faintly hear the hiss of the shower through the wall, and it made her smile.

* * *

Jane glanced sideways, watching the way Maura cut a little square of omelet with surgical precision, forked it, placed it neatly between her teeth. Pondering the little femininities that infused every gesture. _How is she like that?_ _Why am _I_ not like that? I'm a friggin' girl, too._

Maura had emerged from her bedroom having achieved perfection as usual, in a V-neck dress that just hinted at cleavage. Maura could surely rattle off the designer, all worldly sources of the fabric and dyes, and the history of cultural influences that led to its existence. Jane would describe it as 'blue'. For reasons she didn't feel like defining, she stopped herself from complimenting it.

"I was gonna feed Bass some breakfast too, but I have no idea what that would be," she said, pulling Maura's attention away from the weather forecast.

"Hibiscus leaves," she answered, sipping her glass of orange juice. "But that's all right; he probably wouldn't eat until tomorrow, anyway."

"Ah." She removed her eyes from the dress and tried to find something to make conversation about. "So is it gonna rain?"

"They just said there's a thirty percent chance today."

"Yeah, but, is it? You always seem to know better."

"I don't have the data to make a more educated prediction than she just did," she gestured toward the weather girl on TV. "Are you taking an interest in meteorology?"

After verifying that this wasn't an attempt at a joke, Jane gave a small smile and replied, "No."

There was a quiet beat which felt naked in the absence of the expected sarcastic jab.

Jane couldn't help but regard Maura a little differently right now, as if they _had_… done whatever that was… together, and ought to behave a little more softly with her. Well, she was still sort of justified - a little of it had been real, anyway.

She caught Maura's gaze and it made her uneasy, giving a very specific feeling that her thoughts were somehow being plainly read. She reassigned her eyes back to the TV news.

Jo Friday trotted into the kitchen, providing a welcome distraction.

"Hi!" Maura leaned down out of sight to pet her. Jane wondered why she didn't really have a dog voice, and yet she kind of had a turtle voice. _Tortoise_ _voice_.

"Probably wants more food," Jane guessed. "She likes the eats here better."

Maura had bought a huge bag of dog food to keep in her pantry for when Jo was over. Of course that, too, was some kind of deluxe brand that was probably nicer than any food Jane ever bought for herself, in fact she didn't recall even seeing that label at the store. It didn't taste bad, either.

"Maybe it's time to go outside?" Maura asked, mimicking the curious tilt of Jo's head.

Chugging her orange juice, Jane hurried to wrap up the meal so they could go.

"Jane, I…" Maura stood and looked down to her plate, a tiny smile fleeting across her face. A long pause. "Thank you for breakfast."

"Sure."

Scrounging for a last bite, Jane failed to register for a moment the peck of lips above her ear as Maura passed out of sight. She stopped in mid-chew, slowly lowering her fork.

"Come on, buddy," she heard behind her, followed by little paws skittering on the floor.

Jane's eyes darted around the room, chest tightening.

Maura stepped back after putting Jo's leash on. "Are you alright?"

"Hm? Yes? Why?" Following Maura's eyes downward, she found her own left hand resting in egg the middle of her plate. She wiped it off without comment and rose, clapping brightly at Jo, "Alright, ya ready?!"

Still glancing sideways at her, Maura turned and complied with Jo's pulling towards the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Maura and Jane followed Jo out onto the sidewalk and walked silently together past several trees until she found one that was fascinating.

The morning was cold and damp.

Jane knew she had to say something. And that it was too late to try to laugh this off. Standing side by side watching a tiny dog poop, made as fitting a setting to broach this topic as any.

"Thought I was dreaming," she said quietly, looking straight ahead.

Maura considered Jane's wording. It had felt almost like a dream to her, too.

"Did you only kiss me because you thought it wasn't real?"

"N- well I don't… I guess..." she mumbled, rubbing her eye and stared down at a crack in the sidewalk. "I don't know. I don't know what I thought that was. I just felt so… it was like it didn't really count, like it was just okay to…"

"It's alright, you don't need to explain any more. I think I understand." There had been two theories about last night's kiss: either her love was mutual, or Jane might simply be curious about women. Her less than enthusiastic response seemed to support the latter.

Jane wondered if she sensed the faintly cooler tone of Dr. Isles.

"You do? Cause I sure don't."

"Well… I think it's clear that you struggle with a reluctant sexual attraction to women," she diagnosed matter-of-factly.

Jane turned fully toward her, eyebrows floating up. "_Pardon_ me?"

"You can hardly try to say there's no truth in that," Maura answered with a small smile.

"Yes I _will_ say it," Jane frowned, stepping aside to let Jo walk back between them."When did you get to be my… mind-reading… sexual therapist- no. Wrong."

"I don't have to be a mind-reader. Whether you intend to or not, you do give out certain... signals." It _was_ true, and if she were right, she'd love to get Jane to talk about it instead of bottling it up. She also knew Jane would hate this topic. But that was okay - Maura also felt justified in giving her a little pinch in the psyche right now anyway.

"What does that mean?"

"Have you ever thought about how often people assume you're a lesbian?"

"Yes. They make an ass out of you and me," Jane scoffed, crossing her arms and looking out towards a passing car, wondering if she could correctly time a jump into its open window and escape this conversation.

"You and me?" Maura repeated, frowning. "That never happens to me."

"No. Maur- the letters... never mind."

"I don't understand."

Her eyes rolled. "_Assume_...? A-S-S out of U and M-E? Get it?"

"Oh. That's... not one of your best jokes."

"It's not _my _-" she groaned. "Forget it."

"Anyway. My point is that a consistent conclusion being reached from a variety of sources suggests that it may not be _completely_ unfounded," Maura said.

"Okay, fine, so maybe I don't prance around in frilly dresses, and a few people might wonder. But that doesn't mean anything and I don't care. Hey, remember when you wore my clothes? You said people thought _you_ were gay."

"A few did, yes - but I don't think it has everything to do with your wardrobe," Maura replied, more amusement growing back into her voice. She lightly tugged Jo back from trying to wander off the curb to smell something. "Remember at the Merch? You were quite a hit."

_"_No. _They_ liked _me_, that makes _them_ gay. At a _gay_ bar. Who woulda thunk," she retorted, her whole body bending with sarcasm.

"You didn't hate that assignment as much as you acted like you did."

"Uh-uh. Nope." Jane shook her head rapidly, reaching to open Maura's door. That one was genuinely wrong - she had not enjoyed a moment at the Merch. _Well… maybe one moment, but that had nothing to do with…_ She stood aside, planting her feet to declare firmly, "I don't like women."

"You kissed one," Maura reminded with a twinkling smile as she stepped past her into the house.

Knowing she couldn't argue that one, Jane just gave her best aggressive shrug as she shut the door.

"Yeah, hang on," she squinted. "Why are we not talking about _you_ kissing _me_, also?"

"Because I don't have a problem with trying new things," she answered with intentional nonchalance, bending to unhook Jo's leash. When she rose again, she took some pity on Jane's obvious turmoil. Much as she was enjoying toying with her for a change, she was probably just making things worse.

"Jane, seriously," she said warmly. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to help you sort things out - I don't mean to put you on the defense."

Dark locks fell forward in a silent "_Really._"

"You don't have to feel uncomfortable. It's only me. If you felt like kissing me, just to see, there's no harm in that."

Jane observed her from under the safety of her tilted brow, evaluating, looking a little less pissed off.

"I liked kissing _you_," she added honestly, with a cheerfulness that left Jane with even less of an idea of what to say. She noticed eyes dart to her lips for a split second. "Did you like kissing me?" An expectant, almost innocent face made it impossible to shoot down the question.

Unable to deny that that moment last night had honestly been her happiest in a long time, Jane gave a small nod, avoiding eye contact.

"Would you like to try it again?" Maura asked brightly.

Chocolate eyes returned to hers and grew a little larger, uneasy.

"But we're not... since when do you..."

Despite brows still peaked in confusion, Jane still found herself closing the distance when Maura leaned in. This moment had been her fantasy for years - and busy with that thought, she failed to pay any attention to the real thing. It was already over. She blinked, feeling shortchanged.

"See? No harm done," Maura said casually.

_But... But.._ Jane's mind raced in futile circles around the fact that it was her turn to speak.

"I missed it," she blurted out.

Maura grew a sly smile, amused.

"Then I'll give you one you'll notice."

Hands cupped both of Jane's cheeks and she let it happen. This one was a _professional_ kiss, like she was being shown one official demonstration of kissing itself. She could feel a lot of thought and skill going into it, as Maura's lips covered hers, controlled hers. Violent butterflies had taken over Jane's entire stiff body. _Well, here it is, here's what you've always wanted. Why does this feel like a friggin' audition?_ It was good... well, objectively, she'd have to say it was great. Complicated. Maura clearly knew what she was doing. But honestly, this wasn't exactly what she hoped for, and it was difficult to decide how much she liked it.

Jane's breath hitched when the tip of Maura's tongue glided once, lightly along the length of her parted lips. "Omuhgod," she mumbled, eyes opening, shrinking back an inch before Maura captured her again.

_This is weird. This is weird._ The idea of Maura suddenly acting all… sexual. Sure, she'd fantasized it countless times, but it was very different in practice. Part of her wanted to fling the door open and run home and jump in her pink canopy bed and pull the covers over her head. But she couldn't ignore her racing heart.

Maura grinned into the kiss as Jane finally seemed to come to life, hands sliding up to hold her, tilting her head and taking charge.

And then after a moment, somehow, it was completely different. Because Maura had been _trying_ before. Even though Jane had gone along with it, she hadn't been comfortable. She didn't want to be seduced, that was weird; she just wanted to kiss the Maura she knew and loved. And that's just what she seemed to melt into - the _real_ Maura, the one she always hoped for, honest and tender. That was when it changed from being _a_ kiss to _their_ kiss, something real and meaningful and utterly natural, like the one last night. She lost herself, captivated by the softness of Maura's lips, the hint of her lipstick. Years' worth of carefully suppressed feelings were now coming unraveled at breakneck speed.

That same change twisted Maura's stomach in a knot. She'd accepted that her feelings weren't mutual after all; that kiss last night was probably only returned out of curiosity. Not exactly a fairy tale, but logical. But once Jane had started participating, this was no longer just a teasing example of a kiss. It was the way she kissed straight from Maura's fantasies - the ones where Jane actually loved her. Strong and soft all at once, sincere and so unbelievably, _exactly_ what she ached for. She wondered how her imagination had been so accurate. Growing more desperately attached by the second to something she knew she couldn't have, Maura was the one who suddenly pulled away.

"What is it?"

Now she was the one nervous as Jane waited for an answer.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't… was inappropriate…" she stepped back, blinking, trying to compose herself before her neck could start to itch.

Jane's face registered pure confusion again.

"Hang on, I don't get it, what happened?"

Maura sighed. She had been playing with fire.

"I shouldn't be pushing you like this. It's not fair."

"I wasn't complaining…?"

"It's not fair to me, either," Maura added, more quietly. "Look, I understand how you feel about me. But I _know_ that you know… how I feel about you."

"N- I... what," Jane shook her head, lost.

"Come on," Maura said wearily. "There's no way you aren't seeing what's been right in front of your face. You're way too good a detective, and I'm way too bad a liar."

"...okay, I need you to please explain to me, like I'm five years old, what is happening right now," she requested, so confused that she smiled a little, "because I'm getting a _lot_ of different stuff..."

"I love you. That's why I kissed you last night." The words spilled out without a pause, and then the room seemed so quiet. "You so rarely let me be nice to you... I thought you were asleep and I could just give you one little tiny nice harmless kiss on the cheek... I didn't even mean for it to turn into anything else, but I was so happy it did. Only now you don't seem to feel how I thought and... even if I can't have you, I just wanted to kiss you one more time. I knew it might hurt, but I didn't know how badly." That kiss was still lingering in the pit of her stomach. "Jane, can you honestly say you've never seen me looking at you and even _suspected_ that I don't just think of you as a friend?"

Jane swallowed. She had absolutely known, but at the same time, she couldn't be sure of anything. Whenever she tried to nail it down with solid facts, it was impossible, and a strong hunch had never been enough to take this case all the way to court. In response, she shook her head subtly.

"See? And you never acted on it. So I know it has to be the result of a decision not to... and I need to respect that. For both of us."

"So you're... _not_ just trying to turn me gay for sport...?" It was a joke, but also a real question.

She sniffed with the tiniest ghost of laughter. "No. I'm sorry."

Jane stooped to find her downcast eyes. "Maura, have you honestly never seen me looking at _you_ like that?"

Maura looked to glimmer with hope for a moment, then it sank back.

"I've thought so a couple of times, but... you would have said something, done something. You don't hesitate when you're sure about things."

"Well, I guess I'm not totally sure," Jane shrugged honestly. "I mean... I do feel the same way, but I never wanted to think about it... I thought if I never admitted it to myself, it might just go away, cause I don't know what to do about it..."

The blonde smiled, encouraged but still not ready to leap for joy. Even if Jane did have feelings for her, they didn't seem to be anywhere near the magnitude of her own.

Jane was aware she wasn't exactly sweeping Maura off her feet, but she wasn't yet sure she should be trying to. Obviously she did love her - more than anything - but the words stalled in her mouth. If she said it back right now, it might sound like something she wasn't entirely certain she meant, something that could hurt terribly if said too hastily.

She reached to snag her fingertips apologetically. "Maur, you're the best friend I ever had, you know? I don't want to be too quick to gamble with that. I don't want to screw around with your feelings when I barely have a handle on mine."

"I know." Maura squeezed back. "I need you to understand - it's not just some weird little crush, or curiosity, or a sex thing. You're everything to me. You have been for a long time. I'm really _in love_ with you, like I've never loved anybody. And I didn't reach that conclusion overnight... so I understand if you need time. I can't exactly ask you to just _decide_ whether you love me..."

Jane's face slowly fell with painful realization, reaching nearly as somber a look as Maura had ever seen it show.

"You don't know whether I love you," she said quietly.

"Well, I... have a theory that you do," Maura answered with a small smile that was difficult to read.

Jane let out a long sigh.

"Man, I suck," she mumbled, running a hand through her hair. "I've never said it to you… I've been about to, so many times. I never have the nerve, cause I don't know how you'll take it. I never know how I _want_ you to take it, cause I don't even know for sure how I mean it…" She stared at Maura and then let out one sharp breath, an incredulous laugh at herself. "And instead I've actually been letting you wonder whether I do at all."

"No, you don't suck," Maura shook her head. "That's not what I meant. You don't have to say it, I know you love me. In fact, I've honestly never felt more love from anyone in my life. At least as a friend." She added quickly, "Oh, please don't think your friendship alone doesn't mean the world to me. If that's all I can have, it's still more than I've ever... it's enough."

"Maur, I honestly... ugh, I wish you could just see inside me right now, and you'd get how ridiculous this feels that I'm even having to explain it..." she tapped on her own chest, frustrated that she couldn't just open it up and let Maura help her figure them out, rather than having to translate them into words. "If you knew how many times every single day I finally decide how I feel about you... I mean, I think about you every minute, all day, and then I'm awake at night trying to figure out why, and then I wake up already thinking about you again. When you're not around I still turn to say stuff to you, and… when I see you're not there it feels like I'm missing a limb or something. I've been trying to believe maybe that just means you're the best friend I've ever had by so far that it only _feels_ like something more… I mean, this isn't how I've ever felt about a guy. But it's not how I've ever felt at all. I've never even had to think about my feelings for anybody like this... I don't know..." She sighed.

"But I can't keep explaining away all the times I've caught myself…" she paused, a look of longing happiness very slowly growing on her face as she stared across the kitchen, lost in thought. When she shrugged and continued, her voice was so much more gentle, disappearing at moments. "…wanting to kiss you good night instead of just saying it... or how I'm so proud to walk into a room next to you, or how I like to be the one to give you my coat when it's cold. Or how when you smile I can't look away. Or how I get heartburn every time you have a date. And I'm honestly glad when your dates are crappy, cause then you come to hang out with me and we make fun of 'em," she almost laughed.

"I'm always trying to figure out what I'm looking for, once and for all, and you know the only answer I can ever think of? Somebody just like you. And I know deep down I'm just wasting time looking for a guy like you because there isn't _anybody_ like you. And you know what, even if there was, I still wouldn't want him, cause it's not stuff _about_ you I love, it's just _you_. That's what was wrong with Casey... that's what's been wrong with everybody. No matter how much I try to force it - just find somebody already, get it out of the way, have my Ma quit bothering me - it's like there's just not room in my heart for anybody and I know it's because you're already in there. I mean, whenever I'm with a guy, all I'm thinking about is how I can't wait to go see you afterwards, I wish I could skip all that crap and just come right home to you. All I wish is... I just want us to be there for each other. I mean, we already are, that's how I know I need it, but... I want it to be on purpose, permanent, not just something we're doing until some guys come along to take over. I want us to belong to each other... I want to be the one that gets to be with you wherever you go, and hold you, and fight for you, and treat you like you deserve... you deserve the best... I mean, not like I'm the best, hell I couldn't give you half what you deserve, but I mean, when I see you crying over some asshole who doesn't even... it drives me nuts, cause I'm_ right there _and I don't know how anybody could love you more than I do, I just wanna be the one to show you that, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, cause you're the best thing ever in my life, you're the most amazing-" she paused when her throat closed up. Her eyes went to Maura's and she sobered, just realizing she'd actually been talking out loud.

Maura remained in stunned silence. It occurred to her that she'd never heard Jane speak that much at once.

Jane went pink. _Good job not going overboard, genius._

"I guess it's not that I wasn't sure... it's that I've been scared to say it," she finished quietly, worried now that she'd gone straight from _not enough_ to _wayyyy too much_.

Maura looked at her, from eye to eye. The only response she could manage right now was just to let her face do what it wanted, let her smile grow bigger and bigger until it overflowed into silent, giddy laughter, her cheeks crinkling her eyes and wetting her lashes. A hand covered her mouth.

Jane watched, her own smile of relief and open adoration quickly mirroring Maura's. A row of pearly white came into view for the first time all day._ Maybe this is actually okay._ She took Maura in her hands again, now able to look into her eyes the way she wanted, now able to think that they were beautiful, and if her thoughts were read, that was fine. Maura prepared herself for a kiss to seal the deal.

Instead Jane took her in, wrapping her arms around her, bowing her nose to Maura's shoulder and just hugged her tightly, for a long time. Maura felt her face break into another foolish grin and wondered if it was possible that her love for Jane had just, in that instant, doubled.

Threading her fingertips into the hair at the nape of Maura's neck, Jane kissed her with no more reservations. Deep and slow and perfect, allowed to feel everything they wanted to feel. Her thumb stroked along Maura's jaw. She couldn't recall another kiss that made her feel all fluttery and tingly and warm. Neither was sure how long it lasted.

"I was hoping you'd kiss like that."

"Like what?" Maura asked, not wanting to unlock her arms from Jane's shoulders.

With a tiny roll of her eyes, she looked away momentarily to reply, "Perfect."

Maura smiled. "Funny, I was going to tell you the same thing."

She kissed her again and then studied her almost curiously, searching all the features of her face.

"You look different."

"Huh?"

"Softer," she said, touching Jane's lips. She could name all the facial muscles that must be responsible, but that wasn't it - it was mainly something in her eyes. She'd only ever seen this Jane for fleeting moments in the past years, in little glances that she was never sure whether she was supposed to have caught. It was good to see her openly.

"I think that's what they call 'happy'."

Maura looked pleased.

"I make you happy? I thought I bored you. And drove you crazy."

"You do. I never said I didn't _like_ it." Jane's smirk subsided after a moment. "Maur, I still don't know how this is gonna work, though."

"We'll figure it out."

"I'm bad at relationships. I do really dumb stuff sometimes."

"I know."

"I could hurt you."

"You could destroy me," Maura said honestly, smile still not faltering.

Dark brows knitted.

"Gee, thanks, no pressure."

Maura had never before felt like throwing all her trust behind one person like this. It was a dangerous thing to do, an enormous risk. Because she'd seen not just the wonderful things, but also the dark things Jane was capable of. Watched her hands claw and strike and kill, felt her words sting like acid and seen her eyes burn with the most hate she'd ever known human eyes to convey. She knew that if Jane's full wrath were ever somehow turned against her, she would stand as well as a flower against a tornado - flimsy petals her only protection, shredded away by the first gust, never to regrow. There could be no contingency plan; she would simply die. Emotionally, at least. There would be no reason left not to.

And yet that power was what made her feel so completely safe, because she knew it would never be used against her, but gladly _for_ her. It already had been. At the first sign of any danger Jane would shield her, that fierce strength facing outward at the world, revealing its reverse side to Maura – softness and love equally as powerful. That was the side Jane used on her, and only on her.

"But I trust you."

Jane bit her lip. She didn't take trust lightly - a Jane Rizzoli promise of trust was a 100% guarantee, and Maura's trust would be the biggest responsibility of her life. Physically protecting her was already second-nature; being ready to sacrifice her life at any moment was the easy part. But now she'd also have Maura's heart to protect, and that was something else entirely - something much, much more complicated and daunting. Definitely not her forte. But it was what she wanted most.

Jane took both of her hands and looked at them for a minute.

"Good. You _can_ trust me, Maur. I promise. You know I'd never want to hurt you. I mean, ok, I can't promise I'll never be a jerk and say something stupid, that's probably gonna keep happening on a daily basis..."

Maura smiled, not exactly denying it.

"But I promise you can depend on me no matter what... I'll be there for you. None of this is new, I just want to make sure you know about it. I just want to prove it to you." She didn't want to risk assuming Maura understood any more things she'd never actually bothered to say.

"Don't you know," she answered quietly, brushing back a strand of curly hair, "You already have. So many times. Nobody has ever been there for me like you are. Do you ever stop and think about how even with all the insane things we've gone through, you've not once let anything happen to me?"

Jane frowned.

"What are you talking about? If that was true, for one thing, you wouldn't have this." She touched the scar on Maura's throat, her own matching one itching with guilt.

Maura grasped her hand and slid it down to cover her heartbeat. "If it weren't true, I wouldn't have this."

Jane swallowed.

"And you know that's not the only time you've saved my life. I'm getting spoiled, actually. You make me feel like nothing could ever really happen to me. Like no matter what happens, it's going to be okay in the end, because you'll show up and somehow fix everything. You're like having a guardian angel. With a gun."

Clamping her lips together, Jane tried not to proudly smile too hard. Not fully sure how Maura felt this way, but thrilled she did. She reached up to touch Maura's hair, not knowing quite what to do when she got there, because there was never a strand out of place that needed fixing.

"I think-"

Both women looked utterly perplexed by the sound of a phone ringing. They had forgotten all about their jobs, their lives. It was Maura's ringtone. She picked it up from the table, looking at it for a second like it was some alien device before putting it to her ear.

"Doctor Isles?" she answered reluctantly. "Yes... Yes. I'll be there as soon as possible."

"_Comeooonn_," Jane groaned, bending backwards in agony at the timing.

Propping her phone in her shoulder a moment later, she answered her own call while she sat on Maura's couch and put her boots back on.

She'd be going back to work in the same clothes as yesterday. But she shrugged - no one would think anything of it. Being a slob came in handy.

They came back together before the front door and stood looking at each other.

"I don't want to go out there," Maura admitted.

"Me neither. But I'll meet you right back here." Jane offered. "Like we never left."

Maura nodded. Her eyes raised to Jane's hair, which was still messy from sleep. She reached up to comb it into place with her fingers, smirking.

Jane dipped her head tentatively, smiling, and gave her a peck on the lips. A simple, domestic little peck, the very first of what Maura hoped would become a staple in their lives.

She beamed back.

Jane opened the door for her.


	3. Chapter 3

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* * *

Much as they hated the interruption, work had provided a good time to take a step back and settle some thoughts.

Acting 'normal' while processing the crime scene had taken conscious effort for Maura; avoiding sending too many warm glances Jane's way felt like a form of dishonesty.

The detective had less trouble switching into work mode; she simply cranked up the sarcasm to hide any missteps. Thanks to years of practice, she was already good at it. Returning to the bullpen was the hard part.

"Jane?"

"_Jane._"

"Yep?" Her head snapped up, finally recognizing Frost's voice.

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah? Why, what's up?"

"I think I've seen you blink like twice today."

Jane tried not to let her face go pink, realizing she must have been staring through her computer screen instead of at it, daydreaming for who knows how long. Again. She hoped she hadn't been smiling like an idiot too. It would be hard to think of a reason why scanning through a suspect's phone records would have brought a smile to her face.

"Yeah, I... I slept kinda weird last night." That was one way of putting it.

"_You_ slept weird?" Korsak chimed in from across the room. "_I_ dreamed I was a bird."

Frost's and Jane's eyes met over their monitors.

"You keep your bird butt away from my Lamborghini," Frost warned with a sideways glance.

"You don't have a Lamborghini."

"As long as we're dreaming, I do. Actually... yeah, now that you mention it, I can kinda picture you as a big old raggedy pigeon..."

"How do you know I wasn't a bird of paradise?" Korsak asked with a flourish.

"Isn't that a plant?" Frost raised an eyebrow.

Jane's eyes darted to the empty doorway, almost surprised Maura's 'Boring Topic' sense hadn't tingled and made her materialize in the room with a Field Guide to Birds Of North America. Nah, she wouldn't need a book. She was a genius. She'd just know.

_Nope. Snap out of it. Work now._

"I need coffee," she groaned. She knew full well that no amount of coffee would keep her mind off Maura, but it was either that or bang her head repeatedly against her desk. This day seemed endless.

* * *

After work came the evening they probably would've had anyway - takeout and wine, beer, the usual workday chatter, and a movie - except that no one remembered to press 'play', because that was when Jane finally got her nerve back up. Neither noticed the song on the DVD menu playing on a loop a hundred times while they caught up on years' worth of missed movie night kisses.

Despite her ramblings earlier, Jane knew there was no way Maura could yet understand more than a fraction of her feelings for her. Her daily behavior certainly didn't convey the tenderness with which she actually loved Maura. But she'd never be able to put that into words, even if she were good with words - so she was putting it into kisses, hoping to tell her heart-to-heart what she couldn't begin to express brain-to-brain.

Maura was letting her take the lead, just fascinated to see what came naturally for her. Because she always expected that a woman's kiss would be softer, but on the other hand, this was not 'a woman', this was _Jane_. On the average day, her idea of softness meant maybe toning her jokes down from "openly hostile" to "subtly annoyed"; at some moments Maura had to rely on faith alone that Jane actually did like her. That's why Maura was pleasantly surprised to find her kisses so completely affectionate. She loved the way Jane held her, gave her little kisses in between kisses, moved fingers through her hair. It wasn't hot; it wasn't supposed to be. It was sweet, it was fun; they kept ducking into each others' shoulders to laugh for no reason, and it kept turning from a kiss to a hug and back again, and it was fine that it never progressed, because right now this _was_ the destination.

"Mrrrh."

"Hmm?" Maura hummed into her lips, oblivious.

Jane had been trying to pause before things might begin to heat up, trying for the last... well, she had no concept of time. Because if they were stopping, there would _have_ to be one really good final kiss to sum it up - only it would feel so good that it wiped her mind blank. She would regain her senses sometime later and have to start over, all the way back at remembering her own name.

"Hang on," she finally gathered the willpower to tilt her lips just out of reach. "You know, I don't want us..."

"I know." Maura answered quietly, not needing to hear the rest of the sentence. Honestly, if Jane asked her to start undressing right now, she would - but she would have been surprised if that were the case.

Jane took a breath. "I really want this. I mean, the real deal..."

"Me too." She saw the way Jane looked like she was choosing words, and felt a twinge of worry. "But?"

"No, I was just gonna say I want to be _really_ careful here, cause I _do_ _not_ want to screw this up, y'know? I've done that before, where I take it for granted and go too fast." She had ultimately hurt Casey by trying to force a commitment too soon, and the fallout from hastily sleeping with Dean made her queasy just to remember. Both times, it had seemed okay because they had a history. "I learned my lesson. I mean, God knows I'm going to find plenty of stupid mistakes to make, but at least that's one giant pile of crap I know not to step in. I can't risk that with you."

Maura nodded understandingly, playing with a tendril of dark hair.

"And besides, I don't think I can make my head go right from friends to..." The word 'lovers' felt too gross and she couldn't think of an alternative. "I have no idea how it works, but... I just want everything to be right, y'know? So before we do anything or tell anybody or anything, can we just go really slow while I get my head around this?"

"Of course we can go slow_ly,"_ Maura smiled, receiving a miniature glare for her correction. "I can be more patient than you think."

"No, I know you're patient. It's just... you're very, uh..." she swallowed. "It's like I always wanted a Lamborghini and finally got it and then realize I don't even know how to drive."

Maura laughed.

"Oh, hey, is a bird of paradise a bird or a plant?"

"It can refer to types of both..."

"Hm. Anyway. I'm hoping you're willing to just kinda bear with me while I probably just make an ass of myself, in general."

Maura's brain jammed for a second, confusedly stuffing unneeded information on the plant family Strelitziaceae back into her mental file cabinet.

"You have been in relationships before," she reminded.

"Not with a _girl_."

"Why would it be so different? And it's not as if _I_ have experience with women, either," Maura laughed.

"Well, I dunno, I could see you being all... European about it. And anyway, you're the one who's always somehow an expert at stuff you haven't even tried before."

"What?" Sure, Maura's knowledge was extensive, but she could recall plenty of times when she felt totally clueless and out of her element compared to Jane. "You mean like bowling, for instance? Is that why you picked me for your team?"

_Which was worse - the pain in her coccyx, or the fact that she'd just fallen on it in front of practically the entire Boston Homicide Unit? Maura was already__ humiliated enough that she was singlehandedly ruining her team's score, and now she hated to get up and face them all - especially Jane, who hated to lose. She could picture the embarrassed wince that awaited her when she turned around._

_Instead, two scarred palms appeared near the polished wood in front of her. She took them gratefully._

_"I- these shoes-" she felt her cheeks reddening as Jane pulled her up and dusted her off.__  
_

_"I know, they suck. Don't worry, everybody slips on the oil at least once." The face she expected to find laughing at her only smiled comfortingly. It turned__ away for a moment and the quiet snickering from the background abruptly stopped._

Jane snorted. "Okay, maybe there's one exception."

"At least you know better than to get stuck with me, if I ever show my face in the bowling alley a second time."

"Naw. I want you on my team," she said, giving Maura's knee a nudge with her own. Then she froze, knowing what she had just incurred.

"Does that go for softball, too?"

"Um." Jane smiled, trapped. "You get your team to practice, and I'll have a talk with mine." _Oh, they're gonna be pissed._

"Deal." Maura pecked her lips happily. _Worth it, though._

The brunette reached her beer bottle off the table and took a swig, sinking back into the cushion, quiet for a few moments.

"Do you think it does any good to promise we'll go back to being friends, if this..."

She appreciated that Maura actually paused to give it thought.

"If we're both willing to actually work for it, if it came to that, yes."

Jane nodded. "I would be, cause... well, I'd have to. I don't think I'd know what to do with myself without you."

She didn't realize how that was even more painfully true for Maura. During their big fight, Jane had been lonely without her best friend, but still had her other friends and family to fall back on. But when Maura cut Jane off, practically everything good in her life seemed to dry up, because it all stemmed from her anyway. The family that had started to feel like her own was off-limits, and most of her work friends were people she knew through Jane. She never felt so isolated in her life, and that was just a fight that she knew would eventually heal; truly losing Jane's friendship would mean starting her personal life over from scratch.

Maura picked up her wine glass and held it forward. "I promise if you promise."

"I promise," Jane smiled, clinking, downing the last drops of beer and then turning the bottle around and around in her hands. Even if it went great, hell even if they ended up married with kids someday, their friendship was always going to be the most important thing to Jane. Her parents stopped being friends, and right now she didn't even know where one of them was living. _Hold on, did I really just think about us married with kids? _

"But I don't wanna be anything _instead_ of friends in the first place," she continued. "I mean, we're not gonna stop being friends. In fact, that's kinda one more thing I wanted to ask you, for when..." she looked at the ceiling for help. "This is gonna sound really dumb, and try not to take it the wrong way? Okay? But I don't know how else to say it..."

"What is it?"

"Can you be, like... not_..._" she winced, "_sexy_...?"

Maura's face contorted a little as she tried to contain a laugh.

"What?"

"I, well, not that you _aren't_, but..." she picked at the label on her bottle, "See when you first kissed me this morning, it was like... you felt like somebody else. I don't know why I thought that, it's not like I knew better, but I dunno, I was afraid you turned into... _Sex-Maura,_ and I didn't know what to do with you..." She met her eyes for just an instant and they both laughed. "I dunno, maybe I'm just being stupid."

She was right, there was a Sex-Maura. It was what she used on men; it just meant turning down the volume knob on her mind, for when sex was just sex, and she had to gloss over some things to make it work. And that _was_ what she'd first tried to use on Jane, purely out of habit.

"No. I know what you mean. Don't worry, Sex-Maura won't be back. I don't need her."

"I'm not saying she's not any good," Jane added, tearing off a little shred of paper and flicking it away. "It's just... I don't want you to be any different. I want my best friend. That's who I fell in love with, just my..." she shrugged, "...my _Maura_." Her name itself felt like home. "I just want you to stay my Maura."

Still focused nervously at peeling off another piece of beer label, she didn't see Maura's adoring smile. She turned Jane's chin with a finger, giving her a long, soft kiss that put her mind to rest.

Jane looked at her warmly for a moment, then with sudden finality, got up off the couch.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna call my mother real quick, before she calls me," Jane said, pulling out her phone.

Angela was spending a couple of days at Tommy's place to help with TJ and she usually called or at least texted all her kids to say good night. Looking forward to the rest of the evening with Maura without interruption, Jane preferred to get the inevitable call squared away.

"Hey, Ma."

She drifted around the kitchen until her head fell back in boredom, listening to one of her mother's rants. Maura laughed.

"Alright. Yup. Love you too... yeah, she's here. Wanna-"

Jane yanked the phone away to arms-length as it vibrated with the force of her mother's bellow, "GOOD NIGHT MAURA!"

"Good night, Angela," Maura laughed towards the phone.

"Okay. Night." Jane set the phone down with a sigh. "I think she just blew out my eardrum."

"That would require noise in excess of 120 decibels."

"She can do it," she heaved, plopping back down on the couch. "Where were we?"

"Do you feel like starting the movie?" Maura asked without very much enthusiasm.

Jane bit her lip. It was a little late, and she honestly didn't want to bother anyway.

"Can we just go to bed?"

"I wasn't planning to make you sleep on the couch," Maura said, raising an eyebrow.

"That's kinda what I've been looking forward to all day," Jane admitted, finding Maura's hand and interlacing their fingertips a little. She'd hardly been any good at work, preoccupied with the memory of Maura nestled into her shoulder and the hope of replicating it when they got home. But she didn't quite know how to ask for that out loud. "I liked last night. I just wanna, sorta…""

"...Cuddle?" Maura finished for her.

She answered with a slightly pained expression but also shrug that meant 'yes'.

"Awww, Jane," Maura grinned, tilting her head. Jane had been unexpectedly sweet all night, but that she actually was eager to go to bed to _cuddle_, was too much to resist breaking into a giggle.

"Okay, why you gotta laugh though?" she bristled.

"I'm not laughing at you," Maura shook her head, trying to stifle herself. "You're just being so adorable. I didn't think you were a cuddler."

"I need you to stop saying that word," Jane grimaced, slumping away from Maura's attempt to squeeze her. "I'm not."

The rare times she'd attempted cuddling, the charm of some guy crushing her wore off pretty quickly and she wanted to roll the hell away to her own territory. But Maura would be different. Maura was made of sunshine and silk and champagne. Maura, she _wanted_ to hold and squeeze and snuggle and _ugh what the hell_, now even her own mind was pinching her cheeks and giggling at her like an asshole.

Maura complied with the motion of zipping her lips. She loved this sweet Jane that was trying to emerge - but it seemed she was quite shy and should not be acknowledged too directly, or else sour Jane would reappear and terminate the interaction. She quietly filed this information away.

"Okay, well then, I'm going to go get ready for bed." she rose, hearing Jane click off the TV and follow a step behind her to the bedroom.

"Oh!" she remembered, detouring to her dresser. "Something for you to sleep in... I bought something just for you to keep here, because you're always sleeping in your clothes."

"Doesn't bother me," Jane glanced down at her work clothes.

"It bothers _me_." Maura opened the top drawer, adding calmly, "I can help you lace it up."

"You c- what?" Jane asked, brows immediately sinking at the thought of what kind of frilly monstrosity might await her. "I'm not wearing some kind of..." She looked up suspiciously when Maura handed her a folded square of dark gray flannel.

"I'm just kidding."

"...Oh," she said, relieved, letting ordinary pajama pants unfold down to the floor. They were actually something she might have picked herself. But more importantly, Maura had just gotten her good. She turned down the corners of her mouth and nodded, impressed. "Not bad."

Maura disappeared with a triumphant wink.

* * *

After her seemingly endless nighttime regimen, it was Jane's turn for the bathroom.

It was so damn clean in there, it made her nervous. All sparkling and sterile, it looked like the room just been built and she was the first person ever to set foot inside. A single water droplet left next to the sink would be its very first imperfection, and it's not like there would be any mystery about whose fault it was.

She didn't always floss religiously, but she always flossed here. The prospect of sleeping near Maura gave her an unusual passion for oral hygiene. She opened the medicine cabinet and picked out the red toothbrush. It was hers, and it stayed here - not that she had ever brought it over.

_Jane eyed Maura warily, wondering why she had followed her past the threshold into her miniature-doctor's-office of a bathroom. _

_Maura opened a drawer which was neatly stocked with toiletries. All these drawers combined must house the complete contents of a corner drugstore__.__"Red, blue or orange?"_

_"...Red?" _

_And then Maura presented her with a red toothbrush new in its package. The way she proceeded to point out where to find floss and everything else she might need, Jane wondered if she was going to stand there and wait for a tip at the end of her speech._

Jane flicked her thumb over the bristles before brushing. She was pretty sure that Maura automatically replaced it with an identical model every so often.

After a double shot of Listerine, Jane gave the room her usual once-over, wiping everything she had touched with a paper towel like it was a crime she had even been there. Catching her own eyes in the mirror, she almost failed to recognize herself for a second, and smiled as if she were not a reflection, but another person. She looked happy. _Huh. She smoothed her hair._

Maura was already under the covers in her silk pajamas. If she'd opted for those intentionally as the closest thing she owned to not-sexy sleepwear, Jane appreciated the gesture.

"You always have it so cold in here," she shivered in her tanktop, picking up her new pajama shirt from the bed and putting it on. "What are you, homesick for the morgue?"

"The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends a temperature of between 65 and 72 degrees Fahrenheit for optimal sleep."

"_Sixt-_ really?"

"I'll keep you warm," Maura promised. Jane smirked, knowing she really was referring to temperature in the most innocently literal way. "Or I could raise the thermostat, if you like."

"No. I like your idea better," she said, switching off the light and slipping under the covers.

Maura lay apart from Jane, waiting for her to make the position so as not to spook her. Moments passed.

"Uh, you there?"

"Oh. I was waiting for you."

"Oh. Well, so, how do you wanna..." Jane chuckled. "Wait, I have to be like... the guy, how does my arm get over..." she held her arm in the air, trying too hard to figure out the easiest thing in the world. "Come over here."

Maura's laugher wiggled the mattress. "What do you mean, you have to be _the guy_?"

"Like _you_ would be?"

"Neither of us has to be."

"You know what I mean, though," she laughed, "where you kinda..."

Maura rolled toward Jane and slipped an arm around her waist, tucking her head into her shoulder, molding to the side of her body.

"Like this?"

Jane's laughter died down quickly.

"Oh." She swallowed. "Yeah, that's..." Her arms wrapped around Maura automatically as if she'd done it a thousand times before. She had, in her mind. "That's nice."

"Mm-hmm."

And they were both quiet for a while. Jane kept finding herself keeping a giant grin in check; in the dark there was no need, and she let it take over her face.

This was the same position Maura had used with the few men she'd ever cared about enough to cuddle, but it was so much nicer with someone smaller and softer. Jane's arms felt strong but not heavy, her shoulder safe but not bulky, and those familiar messy curls now made a pillow for Maura's cheek. It felt almost like Jane was specifically designed just to fit against her.

"Holy_crap_ this is cozy," Jane mumbled into Maura's hair.

"Mm-hmm."

The mattress jolted lightly as Jo Friday jumped up at their feet.

"Nahh, off," Jane complained, nudging her away.

"That's okay. I don't mind her."

"She hardly ever even tries to sleep on my bed," Jane said, reaching down to Jo as she curled up next to her leg. "Maybe we both feel at home here, hm," she said to her, with a short rub on the tummy.

Maura smiled genuinely in the dark. That meant so much more to her than Jane could understand.

"Do you really?"

"Well, yeah, kinda," Jane answered. "I'm here just as much."

"You know, sometimes at night I walk around this house and think... even though it's my house, and all my things, it just seems empty. _I'm_ here, but it feels like nobody's home. It doesn't feel like home unless you're here."

"Well considering the way your house is getting overrun with a Rizzoli infestation, I don't guess you have to worry about that too often."

"I love that. It's nice when everybody's here." When she'd come home and find some combination of Rizzolis already in her house, _that _was when it felt like home. The occasional loss of privacy was a worthwhile trade.

"One day you're not gonna believe you ever said that."

Maura doubted that.

"I had the best feeling today," she said, smoothing a wrinkle on Jane's tank. "All day long."

"Me too."

"I can't even think of a word for it."

"Make one up."

"Oh. Okay," Maura said, excitedly accepting the challenge and getting situated to ponder it. "Well..."

A long silence followed.

"You... you don't have to work that hard on it..."

"No, I'm just trying to think of a Latin suffix that would be an appropriate-" she stopped, feeling Jane's silent giggle. "What?"

"Maur, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"Then how'll you understand it?"

"It just means... how it sounds. Just think about how you feel, and then make a funny sound that sounds how you feel."

"Like what?" Maura laughed. "How do you feel?"

"Right now? Right now I feel sort of... squuzzly."

"Oh," she laughed. "Okayokay...um... ssss...scrimmbly?"

Jane laughed harder.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Is that wrong?"

"No, that's good."

"Then why are you laughing?"

"Cause it's funny."

"Oh." As if given permission, Maura laughed too.

Jane wondered how this woman could possess the most intelligence and social grace of anyone she knew, and yet still seem lost sometimes in the simplest interactions, like a child trying to grasp the foreign concept of fun. Sometimes it was so apparent that she'd never had someone to tell secrets or fears or daily news, or just be silly with. It was kind of cute, and kind of sad. And Maura kind of knew it.

"I wish I knew you when I was little," Maura pondered. "You would have been good for me."

Jane snorted. "You would have gotten me in so much trouble with my Ma."

"Why?"

"Oh, you would have been all cute and perfect and made me look bad. Well, that's pretty much the way it is now. _You're_ her favorite kid, I swear. You're the kind of daughter I bet she always wanted. Good at everything and... not a jerk."

"You're not a jerk." Maura smiled. "_..._usually_._" They laughed. "But you're clearly her favorite. How could you not be."

"Well. Maybe."

"You know, your mother loves you a lot more than you let her."

Jane smiled. "I know."

"Do you think she'd be okay with this? And your brothers?"

"...I think so. That's gotta be pretty weird news to hear, but... I think it'll turn out okay. I mean, they already love you." Jane paused. "What about your parents?"

"Oh, I can't imagine them making much of it," she said. There would be some initial surprise of course, but they'd probably just be pleased to hear she was happy, and not fuss about the details. Honestly, it was just as much due to a lack of involvement as unconditional love. "Of course I love my parents, but... when I'm looking at your family, sometimes, you can't understand how much I wish I was really _in_ it."

Jane couldn't bear the thought of Maura being left without the warmth and closeness she'd craved since childhood. She'd give her all she had personally, but she'd also love for Maura to feel like she belonged to her whole family. Not just a friend of the family, but a true member.

"You are_. _You're a part of my family cause you're a part of me."

Jane hadn't said it bashfully, or whispered it like a sweet nothing - she'd just stated it as an ordinary fact, because that's how it was. But that didn't stop Maura from melting into a puddle.

"That... that's really sweet."

"It's true."

She snuggled a little tighter. "Goodnight, Jane."

"Night, Maur." She pressed one kiss to Maura's forehead and could feel a smile spread against her shoulder.

* * *

Dark eyes peered through the mostly-closed blinds in Maura's office into the morgue. The medical examiner was wrist-deep in somebody's chest cavity, focused and likely to stay put.

Checking the hallway in both directions, Jane stepped further into her office and brought out the small paper bag she'd smuggled under her blazer. She placed her offering on Maura's desk, but instead of fleeing the room as planned, she hesitated, standing still and staring at it for a minute.

_Really, this is what you're going with?__  
_

She mentally gave herself a slow, sarcastic round of applause, eyes darting nervously back to Maura's partially-visible form.

Was this nice, or just dumb? Maybe it was at least the kind of dumb where she'd think it was cute.

_Oh yeah, Casanova. Why don't you make her a friggin' macaroni necklace, too?_

Jane forced herself out of the room and into the elevator, tossing out the crumpled bag on the way. Sliding back into her chair upstairs, she spent the next hour tapping her foot and twirling her hair.

* * *

After handing her reports off to the lab techs, Maura stepped into her office with an accomplished sigh, taking a few moments to notice the single yellow rose sitting on her desk. She picked it up to turn over the little tag tied around the stem and read, in what looked like its author's first ever attempt at cursive: _Because you're my friend._

She held it and giggled, smitten as if it were Jane herself.

She wondered whether the cursive instead of Jane's usual blocky capital letters was meant to be fancy, or to disguise it from coworkers. Probably both. She pictured her trying to tie that little string in a bow and giving up and leaving the knot. She wondered if Jane knew off the top of her head that yellow roses symbolized friendship, or if she'd Googled it. Or what if she'd actually _asked the florist _wherever she'd gotten this. Maura giggled again.

They'd agreed to keep poker faces at work because there were too many eyes and ears nearby, so when Jane came down later in the afternoon to ask about the case, Maura couldn't throw her arms around her neck the way she wanted. She just smiled a lot more than the topic of toxicology usually warranted.

Jane's eyes strayed behind Maura to her desk as she spoke, noticing her rose now making itself at home in an Erlenmeyer flask of water. One corner of her mouth curled slightly.


	4. Chapter 4

It was just after lunch the following day when Maura found a new rose laying on her desk. A pink one. _Because you make me happy_, the tag read. She added it beside yesterday's, smiling. So this was going to be a pattern.

With the addition of the next day's orange one - _Because I'm proud of you -_ her beaker was getting crowded. She took that first yellow one home to a proper vase on her kitchen windowsill, even though it was already more wilted than any other flower she'd normally be caught dead with.

A fresh yellow one replaced it.

It was both a surprise and a relief to Jane that Maura followed her example and never mentioned this phenomenon, even in the privacy of home.

Though Maura would dearly love to catch her in the act, she began to deliberately vacate her office as much as possible in the mornings, allowing her 'secret' admirer ample time to sneak in. Various colors repeated, with different sentiments each time in the various nuances of their meaning - except for yellow, which was the most frequent and always with the same message.

Only curiously absent was the most classic, the most passionate shade of rose. It took her several days to form the theory that this was not simply a romantic gesture, but also Jane's way of apprising her of the situation without having to talk about it.

Never before in her life had Maura been made to wait. She was a high-caliber woman, and when she decided she wanted sex, she was used to getting it in short order from virtually whomever she chose. But now it wasn't sex she wanted, it was Jane, and she was actually enjoying the wait. This was the first time in years she had slowed down enough to enjoy little things - just being with Jane, just knowing they felt the same. She felt like a teenager with her first devastating, all-consuming crush, and tiny things seemed monumental.

Like the way Jane would extend an arm up on the back of the couch when she sat next to her, and even if they weren't touching at all because they weren't alone, she'd glow just to be sitting within her long arm span.

Or when the whole gang squeezed into a booth at the Dirty Robber after work, and their shoulders would brush, and she felt more electricity than she'd gotten from some complete one-night-stands.

And there was the way Jane knew how to kiss her just until her knees started to weaken, and then say something that made her laugh so hard they had to take a break.

The wait was just fine.

If any coworkers ever noticed the daily roses, no one asked. After all, it was not unheard of for the stunning ME to receive gifts from suitors.

Angela was the greatest difficulty. Living at Maura's kept her hand right on the pulse of everything the two women did, and suddenly having sleepovers every night would look strange, so that was out of the question. Of course she knew they sometimes did stay at each others' places, and it wasn't even a secret that they'd shared a bed before. There was nothing really suspicious about it; Jane turned into a lazy, immovable lump when she got sleepy, so of course she wouldn't want to get up and drive home from her best friend's house. She'd nod off right on the spot, if nothing stopped her. Finding her daughter asleep at the kitchen table or some weird place had never been an unusual sight for Angela, whether at age 5 or 35.

Jane would announce she was staying in the guest room until her mother finally went away, and then join Maura in her bedroom, but with Maura's nerves and Angela's habit of reappearing in the house for no apparent reason, it didn't usually go so well. She could scarcely handle that level of deception, and would spend the night inventing alibis and escape plans until Jane threatened to smother her with her ergonomic pillow.

So the majority of nights together were spent at Jane's apartment.

Maura never would have believed she could enjoy sleeping - actually sleeping - with someone this much. She expected that it would become a form of torture if she couldn't touch Jane the way she wanted to, but the temptation actually didn't loom much in her mind, because there was always that comfy innocence that was satisfying in a different way. They were still somewhere between lovers' embraces and childhood slumber parties, and honestly she hoped it could always be that way.

Feeling herself drifting off to a wonderfully deep sleep, warm and safe in Jane's arms, became something she actually looked forward to all day.

She loved to feel Jane's body pressed behind hers. She loved the warm breath in her hair and the arm slung comfortably over the dip of her waist and the finger that sometimes drew absentminded doodles on her shoulder blade until its owner dozed off.

Jane would sometimes spend hours happily stuck in that hazy limbo between sleep and wake, just laying there with Maura like she'd wanted to for so long, repeating to herself, _this is real, this is real_. Something about the feeling of Maura sleeping on her shoulder, peaceful and trusting, would give her the strongest surge of love for her, and all she wanted to do was keep her always as safe as she was at that moment. Any day of her life that ended this way, would be a day lived correctly.

It was Maura's favorite - perhaps the thing that made her feel loved more than anything in her life ever had - the way Jane would sometimes very, very softly kiss her forehead when she thought she was asleep.

* * *

It took a while for Jane to work up the nerve to ask her on a date. Not because there was any fear of rejection, but because it seemed silly - they were together constantly anyway. Maura happily accepted not even halfway through the invitation.

And then Jane fidgeted and worried, wondering what she'd gotten herself into. Where would they go? What was good enough? She didn't have to wear a _dress_ or something, did she? ...Nah. Maura fell for her in pants, and pants were what she was getting. And this was just a first date. If all went well, she was facing _years_ of being forced to wear dresses she hated and eat food she couldn't pronounce in restaurants she couldn't afford. She ought to get away with some casual fare while she still could.

She rang the bell even though she had a key, and tried not to feel self-conscious when Maura opened the door looking like a glowing movie star in silver satin.

"Hi." She tried to bite her lip to keep from grinning like a fool, and failed. "You look beautiful."

"So do you."

"_Pfft._ I look like I'm at work." She glanced down. _Why the hell did I wear this, again? She probably thinks this is literally what I wore to work today. I should have dressed up. Nope, let her be the girl. Too late anyway. Don't think about it._

"I like you just like this." Maura smiled, touching Jane's lapel.

She could tell Jane was thinking _Why._

The detective was in her standard uniform. That too-big dark gray suit and her same pair of boots, the only thing that ever changed was the daily accent color of the shirt underneath, drawing from a selection of about 10 she seemed to wear over and over. She must have literally found one shirt she liked and bought it in every color the store carried. Tonight, the teal blue one. It'd been white earlier. Maura herself was reluctant to wear the same dress more than twice a year, but didn't mind Jane's lack of variety. As fun as it was to stuff her into something elegant once in a while, she actually took comfort in the way Jane always looked the same. It had something to do with her being dependable, one of so few constants in her life.

"When I close my eyes and picture you, this is what you look like."

Jane chewed that over and seemed to like it.

"Not in some kind of foofoo gown?"

"No. You wouldn't like that."

"You mean don't even dress me how you want in your mind?"

"Then it wouldn't quite be you."

"Hm." Jane smiled. "Ready to go?"

She offered her arm as a joke, but it turned into genuine pride when Maura's looped around it and they began to walk together.

"You're unarmed."

Jane smirked, smoothing a hand over her belt which felt oddly bare without her gear on it.

"It's in the car."

"Would you rather be wearing it?"

"Why?"

"I get the feeling you're more comfortable with it," Maura shrugged. Jane seemed to exude confidence - more than usual - when she wore her gun. It gave her that extra swagger, not just because she had to swing her arms clear of the holster when she walked, but she must also feel like as much of a badass as she looked.

"Do you _want_ me to wear it?" She put on a parody of a cocky smirk. "Think it's sexy?"

"Yeah, it is kind of sexy," Maura laughed. "Besides, what if you have to defend my honor?"

Jane opened the passenger car door for her, letting her climb in with a gracious nod. She knew she was just kidding around, but what if they _did_ somehow run into trouble - she hated the notion of being unprepared to protect Maura, least of all on a friggin' _date_ with her.

Maura chuckled when Jane got in the drivers seat and started to undo her belt buckle.

"I have to have I.D., if I carry the gun..."

Maura picked up the badge out of the cupholder between their seats.

"This is kinda sexy, too." She ran her fingers over it for a moment, watching the streetlight glint off its gold, while Jane finished adding her holster onto her belt. Even though she had a badge of her own, this one was still always impressive to her. It was just _cool_. She handed it to her.

Jane was aware she may have looked like a kid putting her costume back on the day after Halloween, but it did make her feel a little better.

Except for being at an actual restaurant instead of the Dirty Robber, dinner was just like any other of their million dinners together. Neither spoke more comfortably with anyone else in their lives, and although they weren't flirting any more than they ever had, there were still a few awkward pauses simply as a result of the word "date." It was okay after a moment when they saw each other laugh.

It was perhaps subconscious the way Jane scanned the restaurant from time to time. She was always aware of her surroundings; regular checks for danger were made habitual by her career, but that's not what it was - she was checking to see if people were staring because she was on a date with a woman. Maura decided against reassuring her that there wasn't a neon sign above her head. Of course Jane would realize no one necessarily knew this was a date. She'd realize that they looked no different than when they dined together as friends; that these strangers had no way of knowing what was out of character for her; that same-sex couples were so common nobody would care anyway. Pointing it out might make it worse instead of better, and besides, it looked like there was already something nagging at her.

Dinner was the no-brainer; Jane was busy mentally giving herself wedgies for what she was going to suggest doing afterward. She procrastinated, hoping Maura would suggest something, but she didn't, and then they were out the doors and standing on the sidewalk and there was no more time.

"So um, this is beyond lame and cheesy as hell, okay," she warned, looking pained, "But I saw there's supposed to be, um, fireworks tonight. Downtown. If maybe you wanna, I dunno. Or- not that anybody over five is actually entertained by... maybe we'd just, for a minute, or... I don't know, that's date-y, right?" Her laughter was nervous. "Look, if there's something you actually wanna do I'm totally game, cause I don't know where to take a girl on a date..." Nobody ever took _her_ to girl places; she didn't want them to.

"Yes," Maura answered sweetly, having been trying to catch Jane's attention the entire time. "I'd like that."

"Really?"

The word sounded odd spoken _un_sarcastically.

"Yes. That sounds just right."

The fireworks were already in progress when they got to the park. Jane grabbed the blanket she'd stashed in the backseat and they approached the fringe of a much larger crowd than expected. All decent spots had long been staked out by obnoxious couples and territorial families; she earned a glare when she stepped too near a corner of someone's blanket.

"Yeah, alright lady, I get it," Jane snapped under her breath. "Well crap, I don't see where we can get a very good place..."

"That's okay, let's just stay back here. I don't mind looking through trees."

If this were really about the fireworks, Maura could think of a few contacts she could have used to get them deluxe rooftop accommodations. But she kept quiet. She wouldn't trade this away for anything.

"But that sucks... oh, hey. Come over here." Jane led them over to one of the park's large statues, and stepped carefully into the raised flowerbed bordering it.

"What are you doing? Jane?"

She planted a boot up on the concrete base and boosted herself up.

"Oh, I don't think guests are encouraged to climb on the monuments," Maura watched worriedly.

"I don't need encouragement," she answered, moving up two more large stair-steps and plopping down on top of the highest spot she could get to. "Oh, yep, this is a little better. Come on up."

"But we might get in trouble?"

"Well gee, it's a good thing there isn't a cop around."

"I don't know... I'm..."

"Alright, not if you don't wanna." Jane relented, knowing she wasn't exactly dressed for it, and started to turn to come back down.

"No... wait. Here." Maura stepped out of her stilettos and handed them up. Jane set them next to her and then extended her hand to help Maura climb up, unable to help but smile as she did so.

Pausing at the top, still holding onto Jane for balance, Maura looked unnecessarily exhilarated from either climbing 6 feet or from being such a rebel.

"Me Tarzan," she said in a deep voice, thoroughly entertained at her own joke. Jane waited a few seconds in agony before Maura lit up, making the rest of the connection and pointed at her excitedly, "_You Ja_-"

"Okay, that's great, Maur," she groaned. "That's real good." She brushed a spot clean on the concrete next to her. Still grinning, Maura sat and scooted close.

"Oh..." she watched an enormous silver burst in the air. The view still wasn't perfect, but the extra elevation did help. "You're right, this is better."

"Don't sound so surprised."

Some kind of music accompanied the display, but they were far enough away that only muted tones cut through the still and chilly air. Jane preferred it that way. She unfurled her blanket and put it around Maura's shoulders, leaving her arm there with it.

Maura smiled. It wasn't terribly cold yet, but she knew Jane would give her that blanket even if she herself were frostbitten. Even when she grumbled and whined and sassed, her actions always gave her away.

A cascade of swirls lit the sky, dull pops following on a delay.

"Isn't it amazing that you get all this just from heating and cooling electrons..."

"...Uh-huh," Jane answered, brows raising fearfully. _Boredom in 3... 2..._

"They use copper chloride to get that hue," Maura captioned a blue firework. "And strontium, the red one."

Shimmering purple replaced them.

"Ah yes, and there's the purplonium."

"Jane, there's no such thing as 'purplonium'."

"Is too."

"Is not. Purple would just be made with a combination of the same strontium and copper chloride from red and blue. The exact proportions are likely a pyrotechnical trade secret, but it's essentially the same as mixing paint."

Jane rolled her eyes in the fondest possible way.

She always loved to watch the childlike fascination on Maura's face as she reveled in some ordinary thing that Jane herself would probably never even think about. Wondering how somebody could feel that way even when they understood every horrible molecular detail of the thing so thoroughly that there could be no mystery at all. More confusing was her ability to be deathly boring when she tried to explain it, and yet have it ultimately come off as cute. Even if nobody could follow what the hell she was saying, her genuine excitement was always a little contagious.

The fireworks were... well, you saw a few, and you got the idea. But Jane wasn't having a bad time at all. Actually, fireworks _were_ kind of fun to watch in the reflections in Maura's eyes. Feeling safely unseen by the dark sea of people all gazing upward, she planted a kiss on her date's cheek.

She didn't notice the big finale; it was only when she looked up to a silent sky full of smoky ghosts that she realized the show had already ended.

It was late when they lingered together in the little courtyard outside Maura's door.

Jane didn't have to play defense about why she wasn't coming inside, or worry about how she looked, or make sure she was acting like a girl. She didn't have to do anything. She just stood there with her fingers linked around Maura's waist, being thankful that she was just enough taller to rest her cheek at the top of that honey-blonde hair, because that was one of the best feelings she knew.

And Maura didn't have to redirect any overeager hands, or say what a good time she had, or stroke anyone's ego with polite chatter. She didn't have to say anything. She just stood there with her hands warm on Jane's back underneath her blazer, happily oblivious to the cold Boston night.

She received that special brand of goodnight kiss, the kind with no heat under it, so as not to make parting any more difficult.

She listened to those boot heels strike the ground in long strides, quieter and quieter.

She knew, without timing, when to expect the goodnight text that meant she'd arrived safely home.

She sighed in bed, wondering if Jane had also gotten into the habit of hugging her pillow.

* * *

The lab technicians had no explanation for why Dr. Isles suddenly laughed out loud alone in her office. Nor would they understand even if they saw the purple rose with the note,_ Is too_.


	5. Chapter 5

**200 follows HOW? Please know I appreciate every single one of your comments. They really do keep me going... this story is already 3x longer than I ever meant it to be. **

* * *

Twilight's last blues doppled Maura's kitchen windowpanes, behind the potted sage and thyme and a past-prime orange rose.

A hand touched the small of her back, giving a couple of little tugs with just fingertips.

Maura tapped off her spoon on the edge of the pan and accepted the invitation into Jane's arms, letting them slide around her fully.

"Hi. What're you makin'?"

"Hi. Chicken scampi." _Remember last time!_ "And I don't want to burn it."

Although Jane made a whining face, her arms kept no resistance when Maura stepped away. She tapped buttons on her kitchen timer before happily picking up where she left off.

Though nothing really marked it as extraordinary, the kiss still felt so, just for being Jane's. That was her style - casually passionate, always gentle. Slender fingers were curled lightly on the sides of Maura's neck, thumbs stroking back and forth right beneath her ears._ I love when she does that. She doesn't even know she's doing it._

_How is she like this?_

In what ought to be her area of expertise, her genius brain was stumped.

Jane Rizzoli was a synonym for strength. Bold, forceful, aggressive, impatient. When she wanted something, she'd go after it, fight for it, take it. It was one of those qualities about her which rather awed the meek and cerebral Maura.

She snatched things out of your hand instead of asking to see them. She pushed and prodded you along instead of just asking you to follow her. She ate like a glutton and pilfered french fries off your plate while she waited for her second helping to arrive (and yet, rather hypocritically, growled like a feral dog if you did the same to her). She could dive and elbow, with athletic grace, in front of her brothers for the most desirable spot on the couch the second their baseball game resumed on TV.

Jane never ceased to be her usual sarcastic, rough-edged self, and yet when it came to romantic moments, she still not once seized or restrained or yanked or ordered, not even in jest. Her touches were only ever invitations and suggestions. Of course, Jane was naturally dominant and usually took the lead - Maura liked that - but she led softly, doing things _with_ her, not _to_ her. If men made her a passenger, Jane made her a co-pilot. Her embraces were protective but not possessive, and her kisses felt like giving instead of taking. After years accustomed to the thinly-veiled '_let's fuck_' of emotionless, aggressive male kisses, she was only now realizing they'd all been sorely deficient, and all of them combined weren't worth one of Jane's that said, simply and honestly, '_I like you_'.

At first Maura wondered if it was because she was shy about being with a woman, or because that's what she thought Maura would like, or because she was holding back. But more and more, she was getting the impression that this simply _was_ Jane.

"Why you lookin' at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're trying to figure me out."

Maura smiled, caught.

The timer beeped. They could have sworn it had only been a few seconds.

"I was just thinking about how you're not what I expected," she answered, turning off the burner.

"What do you mean?" Jane asked, her face falling a little.

"Well, I had this sort of mental construct of you in my mind for quite some time, of what you'd be like if we were together... and so far it's really not very accurate."

"Uh. It's probably gonna take me some work to try to live up to whatever you were imagining..."

"Oh, no," Maura said, bringing up the plates. "No, I like you much better than what I had in mind."

A small, pleased frown slid over Jane's face. "Really?"

"Mhm. I thought..." she didn't know how to put it. "Well, you're much sweeter."

Jane had to make a face, even though she actually rather liked this report. Maura figured as much.

"And I haven't even read you any of my love poems yet," she ribbed. "Heads up, I may start sobbing."

Maura laughed a little. "I just mean, the way you're so gentle. I thought you'd be more..."

"More not gentle?"

Maura was surprised a more eloquent phrasing wouldn't come to mind.

"I think it had a lot to do with that day in Giovanni's garage. I thought you were going to be like that. Harder, or... more dominant, I suppose."

She remembered those hands grabbing her hips almost gruffly, pulling her against the hard articles on her belt, holding her firmly around the middle as if to make her ownership clear. She hadn't disliked it. That behavior painted her picture of Jane as her lover - a little more butch, possessive, handsy. Maybe not quite rough, but definitely assertive of her dominance.

Jane swallowed, realizing Maura had probably based a lot on what had been little more than her halfhearted impersonation of a lesbian. At the time, she couldn't act however she'd really act, if she were really with Maura. It happened too fast - she didn't _know_ how she'd really act. Besides, she didn't have to make it realistic to Maura, only to clueless Giovanni. So she'd just hung onto her like somewhere between posing for a prom photo and claiming her territory, thought '_Mine!' _and hoped for the best.

"Did- do you want me to be like that?"

"I want you to be just the way you are," she answered honestly.

Since they hadn't been very intimate yet, there was still chance for change, but Maura was hoping against it. The more aggressive imaginary Jane had served well for mental romps, but the real one was quickly rendering her obsolete; _this_ was the one she wanted in her life. Being the sole recipient of that secret gentleness had a way of making Maura feel like the most special woman in the world.

And looking back, she'd seen this sweet Jane before; she was the one who'd always been there for her during moments of fear and heartbreak. Maura wondered how she had overlooked one of her favorite parts of her best friend, and instead developed such inaccurate expectations. Maybe her mind had been protecting her by showing her a version she liked, but not the version she couldn't live without.

"But, so... what does that mean exactly? What did you think I was going to do?" Jane wasn't sure how the Giovanni thing translated to everything else. She hadn't thought of herself being particularly dominant nor gentle with Maura; she was just doing what came naturally.

The blonde smiled a little, retreating into her mind for a moment to visit the Jane that lived there. The one that was apt to yank her in for a kiss whenever she wanted one, push her up against walls, overpower her playfully, tease her until she begged. She wasn't sure how much of that the real Jane could handle hearing, so she chose just one sample. Probably the worst one, but she was curious to see the reaction.

"Well, for instance... would you ever make me beg?"

Because her tone was as if she'd asked to pass the salt, Jane took a second to understand before her face fell blank. Her eyes were glad to find no lasciviousness in Maura's, but still darted away again.

"No." Maybe it came out with a little too much disgust. _This is not all about you. _Eyes returned, trying to appear more open. "Why, do... you like that?"

"I'm sure I would, if you wanted to."

Eyes away again.

"Would you be disappointed if I didn't want...?"

"Not at all."

The honest answer was all that would come tumbling out of her mouth, practically overlapping Maura's words - "I don't wanna."

Maura contained a smirk.

"Okay."

Jane took a breath._ Come on, don't be all weird. You gotta give her more than that.__  
_

Maura was turned, dishing up the food now. Jane turned also, leaving them back to back.

The truth was, she wouldn't _want_ to dominate Maura, wasn't looking to take power over her, didn't want to do weird crap to her, call her names, reduce her to putty, conquer her, possess her. That all seemed creepy and gross.

"It's just, I've had guys try that, and... ehh, I don't like it. Those are the ones that want to turn you into some kind of... helpless... nympho bimbo. It's just an ego trip. I don't know, it's..." her lip curled a little in distaste. Of course she was never one for any of that treat-me-like-a-lady crap, but feeling disrespected wasn't exactly a turn-on either. She didn't understand how so many guys seemed to admire her strength until they got in bed, and then suddenly the goal was to break her. And no matter how little enthusiasm she showed to spite them, they still usually ruled it a success somehow and got all proud that they'd 'driven her wild' - _vomit. _She wanted to steer the hell clear of that stuff.

"I know the feeling." Maura heard the silverware drawer slide open behind her.

A twinge - Jane wasn't sure if it was jealousy or protectiveness. Not because Maura been with men, but because she wondered how many, if any, had ever made an effort to treat her like she deserved. But she didn't like to think about that for too long.

"You're better than that." She picked out some forks and stared at them. "I'd... just want you to feel good, that's all. So no, I wouldn't want you to beg. I mean, I wouldn't want you to have to."

Maura turned to lay a hand gently on Jane's back, not asking her to turn around.

_My sweet Jane. You're going to be so wonderful._

She laid a smiling cheek against her back.

"That's what I mean."

* * *

Normally, Jane liked having her bed to herself. She could sleep right smack in the middle, spread out, roll around and snarl all the covers around herself, punch pillows or whatever she needed to do. Tonight she found herself sleeping on 'her side' even with no one to keep her in check. She slid a hand to her right and it felt so vast and cool and there was a shaft of moonlight that seemed to stay there on the other pillow all night just to rub in the fact that Maura wasn't there.

Red numbers 1:51 floated next to her bed. She heaved a wide-awake sigh. It'd been less than ten minutes since she last looked.

Actually, this would be a good time to look into something that had been on her mind. Eventually she was going to sleep with Maura. Like, not sleep, sleep. But there was a slight hitch.

_I have no freaking idea what to do._

_That was weird, earlier. What were you gonna do, cross yourself and shuffle out of the room like grandma because she asked you a sex thing? You gotta get used to the idea._

_What are you freaking out about anyway? It's just sex. You like sex! Remember?  
_

_But, it's a girl. It's her._

_It's not a freaking bank heist. Hell, you did okay with guys - this should be nothing. Home field advantage. You know how everything works. C__an't overthink it. You'll get going and, whatever, nature takes over. _

_Crap. You know she's gonna be good at it. And if you aren't, she'll tell you so. __Ugh, she's gonna be all perfect and you're going to act like a 14-year-old boy. _

_Maybe she'll do stuff first and then you can copy her. Or no, maybe that's worse. I don't wanna go first._

_Okay, it can't be that complicated. Same thing you always do to yourself, but with your hand turned the other way. Or... hell, I don't know._

Jane indulged herself a respectable amount. Probably. She had no idea how often 'normal' would be and it wasn't like she ever asked anybody else how often they did it. She just did it when she felt like it. Sometimes not for weeks, sometimes every day during a tough case or when life just sucked - it was more a habit for stress relief than anything. Maura always said it helped your... endorphins, or something.

Practically by law, it meant a quick rub through the clothes right before sleep. Never owned a toy, nor wanted to. She could probably count the times she'd ever done it that way anyway - not that it did nothing for her, but it didn't seem any better either, and why be all invasive when there was a faster, cleaner, easier way.

_You know there's about a 100% chance she would laugh at you if ever explained that. Maybe you should... kinda, practice._

_Wait, what? Seriously? I know how to do it, thank you._

_But you haven't in forever. Couldn't hurt. _

_And while you're at it, maybe also work on whatever you're gonna do about the vocals._

Yet another topic she felt weird about. As a teenager in a thin-walled household with four other pairs of ears, getting off in absolute pin-drop silence had been a skill necessary for survival. The habit stuck into adulthood, and sex always involved a conscious effort not to make too much or too little noise, censoring and polishing everything she allowed out. Besides, that was one time she really wished her voice sounded more feminine, and it just didn't. Not like she'd be that vocal anyway, but somehow she'd never liked having someone hear the unedited version. Maybe because she'd never even really heard it. Or maybe because it felt like some form of surrender, and nobody yet had deserved that.

_Okay, so... get horny. Right. Okay. Um._

She fired up her laptop.

Jane watched porn the same way she shopped - once in a very blue moon, as quickly as possible, and without admitting she ever had. Get in, grab the first thing that met minimum requirements, and get out. It was just a shortcut when she wasn't quite in the mood. With all the bajillion porn videos on the internet, there was probably something that would actually really turn her on, but she wasn't willing to spend time sifting through them. It made her feel gross.

What she looked for was what she guessed people would call vanilla. Straight. Just... regular? No weird stuff. If she was mildly curious about anything else, she didn't dare seek it out. All she could think about was the way Frost was always magically recovering somebody's erased computer stuff at work. What if somebody went through her computer and found all the crap she'd ever looked at and everybody would see it and her mother would know and they'd broadcast it on TV and engrave it on her tombstone when she died of embarrassment and _ugh_, she'd just try to remember to bake her laptop in the oven and back it over with her car and throw it in the harbor in the morning.

But right now she had to find out what women did, and get off on it, and that was going to fix whatever this mental block was.

_How? _

_It just will. Shut up._

So she went to that site and clicked on that section she never clicked on.

The first bad sign was that it took four pages of scrolling to find a video she didn't disqualify just for its thumbnail.

_What the hell are they even... ew, nope._ Back.

She tried a couple more until there was one she could stand to let play all the way through.

It was so contrived. The girls were weird and their hands were weird and they weren't pretty like Maura and they made weird sounds and they were rough and fake and gross and they kissed like it was a dare and talked like they were just reading a list of cuss words and the blonde didn't hold the redhead when she came. Neither would give her life for the other. They probably didn't even know each others names.

Her brow ached. She was making the same face she did during horror movies.

The second video had different faces but all the same problems.

_Relax now, you know that's not what it's gonna be like. Porn isn't realistic. Those girls got paid for this, they don't even like each other. _

She'd never deluded herself that the straight couples she'd watched were any more genuine. She wasn't sure why this bothered her so much.

_But still, some of that is what you're going to have to do._

_Okay, maybe there's a better video. Try another one._

_I don't wanna try another one. I don't like this. No, seriously, I don't like this._

_What if I can't do it. What if I'm not gay. What if I messed up again and said everything too soon and I was wrong. What if somehow it just feels really nice to kiss her and sleep next to her and stuff but I don't actually want to have sex with her? What if this means I just really really really love her as a friend?_

And she couldn't really talk to Maura about this.

_'Hey, I tried to prepare myself for having sex with you and it kinda made me want to throw up, how was your day?'_

_Come on, don't freak out. You do this all the time. And most times, you tried hard not to think about her. _

_Then why can't you get the slightest bit turned on right now?_

_Because I'm busy freaking out._

She closed her laptop and pushed it down to the foot of the bed, and curled up to stare at the wall.


	6. Chapter 6

It was late in the evening and Jo Friday lay on the floor of Jane's bedroom, still gnawing intensely at a treat she'd been given at dinner.

Maura was sitting near the foot of the bed watching Jo, likely lost in boring thoughts about canine musculoskeletal coordination, while she finished applying her moisturizer.

And Jane, in turn, was watching Maura, as she did another of those feminine things that captured her in wonder with a drop of envy. Of course there was nothing inherently feminine about putting on lotion; Jane could do it too if she wanted, a guy could, anybody could, but something about Maura Isles putting on her lotion was so officially womanly. Something about the way her hands moved, maybe. _How._ This ritual certainly explained her baby-butt-soft skin.

"Jane, do I owe you an apology?"

"Huh?" she looked at her anew, even though she'd been staring at her already. "For...?" squinty eyes drifted across the room, "...using up all my lotion?"

"No- oh, I'll buy more, of course," Maura promised, before the look on Jane's face reassured her she was kidding. "I'm hoping you aren't bothered about anything I said the other night."

Jane had been letting her affections on a gradually longer leash over time, but she seemed to be a little more reserved for the last couple of days. Neither work nor family seemed to present any extraordinary stressors; the only cause Maura could hypothesize was perhaps Jane was even more sensitive than she thought, and had been unnerved by her attempt at a sexual discussion topic.

Of course if that were truly the case, the best course of action would probably be to leave it alone, but the doctor didn't get where she was today by suppressing her curious nature.

The genuine hint of confusion on Jane's face seemed to disprove her hypothesis, though.

"No? Why do you say that?"

"Well, you seemed a bit put-off by what I asked, and... I get the feeling you're the tiniest bit preoccupied since then, and I'm hoping I didn't make you too uncomfortable."

"Aw, pfft, no." Jane intended to say more, but nothing else came out.

"Oh. Well... I'm glad to hear that," she said, her eyes still not letting Jane off the hook about the main point of her question. She didn't need to vocalize it.

The brunette gave a small smile, neither denying nor dying to talk about it.

"Just been doin' a little overthinking, that's all."

"About us?"

Her 'yeah but don't worry about it' shrug did little to satisfy Maura.

"You know, you could always talk to me about anything," she said, wishing Jane would confide in her. "Even before, but especially now. Even if it's about me."

Jane's glance was appreciative. _She's right. If you expect this to be a real relationship, you're supposed to talk to her about stuff._

With a sigh, she sat down at the foot of the bed next to her.

"Look... sometimes I react like that mainly out of habit. I spent so long acting like I didn't think of you like that, in case you'd be creeped out... it just comes out, still," she explained. "I know I keep givin' you reasons to think I'm a total prude, but that's not really what I'm going for."

Maura shook her head. "I don't think that. I just think you're very sweet."

Jane suspected that was just a more pleasant euphemism for the same thing, but she didn't press.

"Mh. Well, I doubt it'd be a huge newsflash for you if I said I _am_ a little nervous about... y'know."

"Making love?"

Jane barely contained a snort of laughter. _Now there's a euphemism._

"Mm-hm."

"There's nothing unusual about that. I suppose I am, too."

"You are?" Jane asked almost excitedly.

"Well, you certainly give me your fair share of butterflies, if that's what you mean."

One of those flattered but skeptical looks passed over Jane's face. She just found it difficult to imagine herself inspiring butterflies for anyone, much less scientifically-confident Maura.

"Yeah, well, I sure have that." _More like friggin' Mothra._ A pause. "Maur, so..." she lowered her voice slightly, even though they were alone, "when you think about us... y'know- do you know how you wanna do it? I mean, do you feel like you're gonna know what to do, when we get there?" She swallowed. "Or... do you feel kinda like you got a test coming up that you haven't studied for..."

"I don't have every moment planned, of course, but I know what I'd like to do basically," Maura smiled. "I _really_ doubt that either of us will truly be at a loss, Jane."

Jane wasn't sure that was the answer she was rooting for.

"And it's not a test," she continued, placed a reassuring hand between the other woman's shoulder blades. "You don't have to study for it. It's a first for both of us, we'll both be learning. There is no test."

"Well..." Jane went half a shade pinker in preparation to admit, "I guess you were maybe kinda right about me being preoccupied. See, I... may have gone online the other night to um, study."

"Oh," Maura smirked after a moment. "What did you learn?"

"That it was a bad idea."

"How so?"

Jane released a sigh.

"I didn't _like_ it," she shrugged worriedly. "I was expecting, cause of you, it'd be like 'where has this been all my life!' but instead it just seemed... kinda gross. I mean, when I've thought about us... that's not ever what it's like." She shook her head. She'd actually tried to picture herself and Maura doing the things she'd seen. It seemed all wrong.

"Well, obviously I don't know what exactly you watched, but I'm sure you realize that behaviors depicted in pornography aren't necessarily an accurate representation of human sexuality. Much less ours. It's not as if we have to re-enact what you saw."

"I know we're not gonna be filmin' a porno, Maura. But I mean, the actual.. _stuff_ that you do... shouldn't I have been kinda into it? Cause I wasn't."_  
_

This earned a sympathetically amused smile.

Jane sank down on her side and laid her head in Maura's lap, as if she couldn't be burdened with it any longer, closing her eyes. "I dunno. Tell me I'm being stupid."

"You're not stupid," Maura answered, sweeping unruly waves of hair behind her best friend's ear.

"C'mon, science me out of it. Tell me some kinda mumbo jumbo about brain chemicals and how I'm just freaking out about nothing. Stuff sounds right when you say it." Between her limitless knowledge and her inability to lie, Maura's words felt like irrefutable laws. If Maura simply told her she was wrong, she'd believe it.

"Well..." Maura paused as if conjuring up the perfect bedtime story for a troubled child. "For starters, what you like to do, see, and fantasize about, can be all different things. So even if there's something you enjoy in practice, or would enjoy, that doesn't necessarily mean you're certain to enjoy watching a pornographic represen-"

"Can you stop saying pornography," Jane grumbled, curling up into a fetal position. Maura couldn't help but be amused at her resemblance to an unhappy Bass retreating into his shell.

"- that doesn't necessarily mean you'll enjoy watching strangers do it. And vice-versa. Honestly, I wouldn't put that much stock in your reaction to a video clip."

"Okay.. that helps." She felt a bit of weight lifted, further comforted by Maura's fingers moving over the side of her head.

"Jane, I just want you to know... if you were to decide you just aren't comfortable doing anything at all, that would be okay."

"Uh, let's not go _that_ far."

"Well, I don't want you to feel obligated. I'd rather we did nothing, than something you don't enjoy."

"It's no obligation, trust me," she patted Maura's knee with a small laugh. "Maybe I'm making too big a deal over it, sorry. I'd just really hate to disappoint you, that's all. Especially after makin' you wait."

"I _like_ that we're waiting. If we didn't, I'd have already missed out on so many things I love - and Jane, honestly, the only way you could really disappoint me is if you somehow showed me you didn't love me. And judging by the way you've treated me so far... that's not even remotely a concern."

"That's all I want to do."

"Hm?"

"Show you I do," Jane mumbled quietly.

Maura's smile went unseen. "Do you know how you want to do that?"

One available shoulder shrugged, "Have some ideas. Yeah."

"So that's what we'll do."

Jane blinked. _She makes it sound so simple. But... I'm not even sure that's sex._

_That's stupid, of course it is. Considering what you do sometimes - you're not fantasizing about her filling out paperwork. _

_But that's not sex like I ever had. Or thought about. And not like that crap on the internet._

What Jane didn't really understand about herself, having no point of reference, was that she was very black-and-white and no-nonsense about sex.

There was 'sex' and 'not sex', and she'd never spent enough time in between to know what to call where the lines blurred. She didn't really believe in foreplay; very early on, she'd come to consider it something awkward that was better skipped. The short-lived boyfriends who helped form this opinion had little idea what the hell they were doing, but Jane didn't know that, and decided it was a vastly overrated set of activities. It felt like making the guy prime an engine so it'd start, not because either wanted it, but because it had to be done. Their attitude was basically 'I took steps A, B, and C to fix this problem and now it should be working', and by that time her attitude was 'I forfeit, let's just start'. Besides that, lingering around too long would just give them an opportunity to think of some kinky bullshit idea (cop stuff, invariably) or start looking at her scars, or expect her to return the favor, and that wasn't her favorite.

This meant her sexual M.O. was not to let things get started at all until she was ready to basically skip straight to business. Even when satisfying, sex was always a fairly Tab-A-in-Slot-B experience. Repetitive? Sure, sort of. But sex was like baseball: you'd never complain that all the same stuff happens in every game, because that's just what the game _is_. All that changed was how good or bad it went depending who you played with. If you had a problem with the game, you didn't have to play it.

She did not have a problem with the game. She didn't feel she was missing out on anything. She had a system that worked and had not thought about challenging it for over a decade.

Whatever she was now thinking about Maura did _not_ fit anywhere into that system.

"By the way," Maura's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, "if you intend to make any further 'research' attempts, I might suggest you give the written word a try. Studies show that while men generally prefer watching, the majority of women prefer reading erotica. It provides the more complex forms of stim-"

"Okay, I wasn't there so much for kicks," Jane interrupted, concerned Maura was on track to suggest looking for some such thing together. "I just wanted a demo so I'd have some idea what you're supposed to... wait, studies?" she gasped, rolling onto her back to point up at Maura accusingly, "All those times you're telling me you're reading your Scientific Journal of... Hydroponic... Cardiology - you're actually reading _romance novels_!"

"No," Maura smiled.

"Hm," she relented, dropping her finger. "Yeah, you probably wouldn't be so stocked up on fun facts if you were just reading smut all the time. Unless you made up the study..."

"It's real. Even moreso than 'hydroponic cardiology'."

Jane snickered, "What-ever."

"Okay. Come on," Maura said with a pat, making it clear she was about to scoot up to her pillow, and Jane should lift her head. It was late; they should go to bed properly. "Take a break from thinking about this. You'll feel better in the morning."

"It's a little harder than that to turn off," the detective answered, dragged herself up alongside her, pulling the blankets out from under her butt.

"Alright... think about something different, then," Maura said, turning out the light. "Tell me about your favorite thing."

"My favorite what?"

"Anything."

"Hm... I guess I have a lot of new favorite things lately," she pondered, finding the smooth hand at her side, running a thumb over the back of it which felt so smooth and perfect, "involving you."

"Me too."

"Yeah? I thought your favorite stuff was like... fabric swatches and neurotransmitters."

"Not all of them. While you think about yours, do you want to know mine?"

"Tell me."

"I think my favorite has to be having Boston's finest detective for a pillow."

Jane snorted.

"Come here," Maura said, tugging her onto her side, curling into her and nestling her head underneath Jane's. She didn't have to prompt Jane to wrap her arms around her in the exact configuration she was thinking of. "This."

"We do this all the time. I didn't know it was your favorite." This was among the top choices Jane had been trying to decide from, too.

"Now you do." Maura smiled. "I would have suggested reversing our usual positions so you can see how mine feels, but I doubt I could do your part justice. They're likely complementary rather than identical."

"And how _does_ it make you feel?"

Jane was immensely pleased with the first word spoken after a contemplative snuggle, maybe doubly because of the way she felt its warm breath against her chest-

"Safe." Maura said. "Loved. Peaceful."

She grinned contentedly into Maura's hair, half-melted, giving her a squeeze. If she'd spent hours thinking up the three words she most wished to hear, it would have been those.

"Were you ever afraid of monsters when you were little?" Maura asked.

"I guess. Were you? I picture you more lecturing other kids about how there's no such thing."

Maura laughed. "Knowing there isn't doesn't stop your imagination, especially in childhood. Did you ever pull the blanket over your head so they couldn't get you? Even though logically, if there really were some manner of threat, the blanket would really provide no protection whatsoever..." she digressed, "but it's like this magic shield, and you felt totally protected, and they couldn't get you?"

"So I make you feel protected but am actually useless?" Jane clarified, poking her in the side.

Maura chuckled. "No. You make me feel protected because I know if there was a monster, you'd protect me. With your arms around me like this, they can't get me. It's that sort of feeling. And I can-" she situated her ear a bit, "-if we're just right, I can hear your heartbeat. It's very soothing." She smiled as that beat quickened slightly at its mention.

"Okay, this is definitely my favorite, too."

"Are you just stealing my answer?" Maura teased.

"No. Actually, I was gonna say it's... when I wake up for just a minute in the middle of the night, and you're sleeping on me like this. And I almost kinda hate to go back to sleep and miss it."

A finger traced over a spot on Jane's spine. "And how does it make _you_ feel?"

She paused, never feeling very good at describing her own feelings. Only one response came to mind, so she said it.

"It makes me feel like you feel safe and loved and peaceful."

Maura intended to press for more descriptive terms, but on second thought, maybe she adored that choice of words.

"Cuddling increases oxytocin levels in the brain. It creates a sense of well-being, helps to reduce stress and anxiety, lowers blood pressure..."

"Oh, _now_ the chemicals? See, why would I ever meditate when there's this."

"It is a very nice alternative," Maura conceded. "You know, there's something else I think might be my favorite, if you ever did it."

"What's that?"

"You might refuse," she warned.

"C'mon."

"Well, I always... wanted to hear you call me sweetheart," she said tentatively, expecting Jane to groan.

Instead she smiled. She didn't know what she'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.

"Hm... I think I could probably swing it." A moment passed. "Maur ... you still scared of monsters?" she asked quietly.

"Sometimes. A different kind."

Jane's arms tightened.

"I'll protect you," she promised.

Maybe they were being a little silly with talk of monsters. But she was also dead serious.

Jane planted a kiss on that soft hair. Perhaps her favorite kind of kiss to give Maura - the tiny but deliberate and long-lingering one, always on her forehead or on top of her head. One of the unmentioned contenders for favorite thing. This was different from her standard _good-night_ and _good-morning_ kisses, different from comparably trivial _glad to see you_ or _you're cute _kisses. It was the one that meant _I love you_ in the purest sense. _I will guard you_. _I would give my life for you_.

It surprised her every time that it almost made her want to cry. Because she knew when it was over, she'd still be just another common schlub in wrinkly shorts who needed to pay this month's rent and sort out a minor sexual identity crisis - but as long as her lips stayed right there on Maura's forehead, just for those couple seconds, she was a knight in shining armor. And she just hoped that somehow Maura felt some sense of it. Because while Jane had balls enough to run down dark alleys and tackle murderers, she wouldn't have enough to say any of that out loud.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," she said softly.

She could swear she felt a tiny squirm of joy.

* * *

"Sup, poindexter?" Jane leaned in the doorway of Maura's home office, here to pester her for a moment during the commercial break in the hockey game she and Frankie were watching on her TV. He'd dropped by to hang out before his afternoon shift without even calling to check if Jane was here; it was a safer bet she could be found here than at her own apartment anytime. Maura's place had become home base for all Rizzoli family activity anyway.

Startled at her presence, Maura protectively jerked shut the enormous 800-page medical textbook in her lap.

"I wasn't gonna try to take it," Jane said, feigning an offended look. "I already know what happens at the end. It's a real page-turner."

"You startled me. I was just looking something up."

"Don't tell me there's something Dr. Isles doesn't know?"

"Just refreshing my memory... on... superventricular tachycardia."

"You've shaken my faith. Now who's going to be my phone-a-friend?"

"...What?"

"My lifeline?" Jane's face flattened. "The thing where you... call..." She shook her head tinily, knowing this was going nowhere._  
_

"IT'S BACK," Frankie shouted.

Maura shooed her along with a smile, rescuing her from having to explain whatever she was talking about, and sending her scampering in socked feet back toward the living room.

"Hey, get off, I was sittin' there," she could just make out Jane complaining. The lower tones of her brother's retort got too lost in the hubbub on TV.

Relieved, Maura reopened the book, flipped immediately to the page on superventricular tachychardia, and skimmed a few sentences.

_There, now it's not a lie._

From her desk drawer she pulled last week's now-faded peachy pink rose, the one that said _Because I'm grateful to know you_, laid it near the crease, and closed the volume gently.

Jane didn't know this was where all the old roses ultimately disappeared to, pressed neatly between pages of boring books she'd never touch. Perhaps someday, enough years in the future that Jane had forgotten all about it, Maura would find an occasion to give each one back to her.

* * *

"I feel so important."

"Oh? Why?"

"Not everybody's state Chief Medical Examiner is willing to feed them pretzels while they watch TV."

"...Wait, why _am_ I feeding you?"

The game was over and Frankie had left. Jane had one arm around Maura's shoulder, and the other hand busy channel surfing, so Maura had helpfully placed a pretzel in her mouth a few minutes earlier. But while her brain was distracted by the TV, her arm had apparently felt obligated to continue the favor.

"I have no idea, but I wasn't gonna complain," she said, brushing crumbs off her stomach. "I'm just glad to see you putting your degree to good use."

The doctor set the bowl on the coffee table and Jane whined her objection, reaching out for it.

"I would venture to say you've reached the recommended serving size."

"Tryin' to call me chubby?"

"No, I'm trying not to enable your poor nutritional habits."

"C'mon, there's like two left in there. Look, not even." Jane frowned dismissively.

"I'll put them back."

"You're gonna make a whole trip just to put _one and a half_ pretzels back in the box instead of just letting me eat them and be done with it?"

"A 'whole trip'? It's right there on the counter, past where I'll walk to put your bowl away anyway."

"You kidding me? _You_ eat 'em."

"I don't want them. And I don't understand why the notion of putting unfinished food back in its container makes you so angry."

"Because it's _ridiculous_," she replied, genuinely agitated. She leaned forward, but Maura's fingers closed around her wrist and stopped her reach. "You are ridiculous," she repeated to the smiling face that moved directly in front of her. After a few moments Jane was trying desperately to maintain her stern look, but slowly losing to a smirk. It was hard to stay mad at that gorgeous face.

"But you like me," Maura said with a cheerful scrunch of her shoulders. "You already admitted it."

"Uh-huh... you know what else I like?" Jane asked with a seductive eyebrow, voice lowered a little.

"What?"

Her face and voice flattened again, "Pretzels."

She tried to reach again. Chuckling mischievously on Jane's lap, Maura wrestled both her wrists to the cushion, pinning them back to kiss her.

Muffled by her own lips, she couldn't quite decipher what Jane mumbled, and a moment later she noticed that she wasn't being kissed back.

Pulling back to look, Maura sensed she'd seen the very tail end of something she wasn't meant to. Those dark brows intentionally smoothed out, clenched fists opened. Almost imperceptible, all in a second. She almost decided she'd not seen anything odd after all, except she couldn't shake that look she'd barely caught leaving Jane's eye. It wasn't really consistent with a bout of shyness. It had almost been more like... fear? Another second later Maura's own eyes widened with realization.

"Oh my gosh, Jane, I'm sorry," she realized, immediately releasing her wrists and covering her own mouth.

_How could I be so thoughtless? How could I not realize that would bother her?_

"Nah," Jane said, forcing away the last of the ice crystals in her stomach, that white-hot tickle in her palms. "It's okay." A real smile wouldn't grow yet; a mechanical one would have to do its best to reassure Maura in the meantime.

It didn't seem to do much.

"I'm so sorry," Maura repeated, bringing Jane's head forward to cradle it against her chest. "I wasn't even thinking..."

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." The feeling had completely passed; it had been so brief that she and her mind had agreed to just ignore it, and hope it went unnoticed. She didn't want a big deal made out of it; she didn't want to stop and have a therapy session. But it was pleasant enough the way her cheek was smushed against the softness of Maura's chest, and _she_ seemed to need the moment, so Jane let her have it.

Maybe it was mostly herself Maura was really comforting anyway.

"Of course," she whispered. _I could kick myself._ "Of course you wouldn't..."

"...Wuh," the brunette asked, confused expression unseen.

Suddenly, Maura had understood another little piece of Jane - a reason behind her gentleness. Maybe it didn't all have to do with stupid bedroom kinks, and maybe she really wasn't so prudish or insecure. Maybe it had a lot more to do with all the horrible things that'd happened to her.

All the times she'd been held down, pinned, tied, handcuffed, duct taped - for what, in order to be terrorized and tortured? Of course she wouldn't like to be held down in order to be kissed. Of course she made a face when guys said they wanted to use handcuffs. All the times she'd been struck, wrestled, dragged towards what was intended to be her death - of course she would never use any force in her touch. All the times she'd begged for life - her own, loved ones, even hostages - of course begging for pleasure would seem vile in that light. To Jane, it must be impossible to divorce from fear and pain.

_That's why that bothered her. How could I have asked her that?_

Jane was stoic to say the least - she took all those blows and kept moving, made jokes, never talked about it, acted like it didn't phase her. She did such a good job of it, that it was sometimes difficult to remember she couldn't really be the invincible superhero she'd have you believe. But Jane didn't deflect all those blows, she absorbed them, and this was where the hurt collected, and Maura had just stumbled upon the stash.

Maybe all that hurt was fueling her gentleness. And maybe gentleness had never been the right word, maybe a symptom but not the real root of the issue. It was about being respectful. That was it. She was respectful and attentive and reverent.

_I'd never hurt you._ Maura stopped herself from saying it out loud. She knew Jane wasn't actually afraid of that, she knew it was just a reflex. Jane whispered that promise sometimes - it seemed so strange and unnecessary because the possibility of hurt was never even in Maura's mind - but right now, she sort of understood the need to say it.

That this was even something Jane thought about, day to day... her heart broke a little.

_I'm so sorry. _There was nothing to keep begging forgiveness for; it would only belabor the issue. But that didn't make her less sorry.

Jane moved her palm on Maura's back to assure her she was okay.

Her instinct in this situation was to lash out, and usually she did. Perps, pervs, and roughhousing brothers she could hit, but not Maura - which is why she just sat there for a second too long and let this be the first time anybody ever noticed. It wasn't anything as dramatic as flashbacks - she just hated the sensation of being restrained or overpowered, and it threw her instantly into cold panic, even though her mind was still firmly in reality.

She would never be able to get kicks out of that, or to impose it on the one she loved, not even a tiny, joking semblance of it. Maura trusted her; if she ever somehow really caused her pain instead of pleasure - if she ever somehow put that true, icy fear in her eyes for one instant - she'd go get her gun and shoot herself. Because Maura shouldn't even have to know what that felt like.

_But she already does know. And she has you to thank for it. _

A gleaming scalpel flashed through her mind.

_No more. Ever. Only the furthest opposite. Only good._

Jane had found a use for all that old hurt lodged inside - she was burning it for fuel, turning it into its furthest opposite, tenderness and pleasure to give to Maura. She pretended that each ounce of pain she felt was one less ounce of pain Maura ever had to feel. And the prospect of any future pain felt worthwhile, as long as she could keep believing that. Her behavior wasn't all the result of emotional baggage - she'd treat Maura respectfully anyway of course, because she deserved it - this just super-charged it.

After some time, Jane pulled back to ask what was going on, but the explanation was right there in Maura's eyes. She felt exposed, but it was okay. She loved her for understanding, and more miraculously, it looked like she wasn't going to make them talk about it.

A kiss later, she was being hand-fed every last crumb from the pretzel bowl.

* * *

**A/N - **Not that I've never enjoyed such a story, but it's always confused me how an overwhelming amount of Rizzles smut has Jane being really into handcuffs/tie-up stuff, so I wanted to take that topic in a different direction. Sorry if it's less sexy, but I'd love for this story to come off at least vaguely realistic and true to character, and I just can't picture that somebody who has been handcuffed in her own bedroom in order to be killed/tortured (twice!) let alone the Hoyt stuff, could really get off on the same thing.

However, I promise we will be tapering off the sappy angst stuff and heating up a little in the next chapter :) On that note, I will probably be changing the rating to M, so if you're staying with me, don't forget to follow or bookmark or whatever!


	7. Chapter 7

**Again, I so appreciate the feedback I'm getting. Thanks for taking a minute to let me know you're enjoying it, when I know it's easier to just click away. It makes this so much more fun to write! :)**

**This chapter fulfills a couple requests from tumblr users: Jane taking a Kinsey test, and a shower scene. The latter was a bit tough to write because I wanted to make it different than what probably comes immediately to mind. Not the whole enchilada, as one of you put it, just a couple drops of tabasco :P I hope I did well by your suggestions.**

* * *

Maura sipped at her coffee in the Division One Cafe. She'd already had her morning coffee at home - brewed just the way she liked it - but she couldn't be so impolite as to ignore the cup Angela automatically poured for her while she waited for Jane. She'd arrived about a half-hour earlier than her office hours dictated, as she tended to do after nights spent apart. Jane guarded every extra minute of sleep she could get, but sometimes managed to get in early too, so they could have a few minutes to spend together before getting to work.

"Sooo, how was your date last night?"

Maura tried not to choke.

"What, you think I didn't see you two going out?" Angela smiled. "I'm not blind, you know."

"We... Angela, it's not..." Maura began, feeling her face pale with vasoconstriction, and her shin tickle, just knowing how hard Jane would be kicking it if she were here.

_Oh please Jane, why can't you be here to handle this?_

"You both looked so pretty. I wish you'd double date more often."

"Oh!" Maura blurted in relief. "Double... yes! We should."

"It makes me happy to see Jane wear a dress once in a while... she's fought me tooth and nail about wearing dresses since she was a little thing. You're a good influence on her." She gave the younger woman's wrist an approving pat.

Maura smiled genuinely.

The subject of their conversation had worn her little black dress for their last dinner date, and it hadn't even taken a fight. All Maura had done was mention that she'd love to see her in it again sometime, and then Jane had shown up at her door wearing it a couple of nights later. Knowing she risked making Jane self-conscious if she acknowledged it, Maura showed her appreciation in a mostly non-verbal manner.

"Wouldn't she wear a dress even on very special occasions?"

"She didn't even want to _own_ a dress since her senior prom. Every time I ever bought her one she just gave it right to the Salvation Army with the tags on it still."

Just as Maura was fantasizing about what Jane might look like in her customary prom portrait, Angela seemed to read her thoughts and covertly said out one side of her mouth, as if offering sale of illicit drugs, "I have a copy of the picture..."

The gleam in Maura's eye grew and then subsided again.

"If I know Jane, she'd probably hate for me to see it."

"Probably," Angela shrugged. "I don't know what reason she's got to be embarrassed about pictures. Sometimes I think she doesn't know what she looks like."

"I know what you mean," Maura replied thoughtfully. Jane accepting a compliment was not always the smoothest transaction, especially when she was not dressed up or otherwise intending to look special. She'd squirm for a second and then return the compliment - not just the same sentiment, but that very same actual compliment - as if there were only one of its kind and she firmly believed Maura was its rightful owner.

"So who did you two go out with?" Angela restarted the original conversation with a fresh breath, to Maura's dismay.

Struggling to think of an answer that wasn't a lie, she moved a hand in front of her neck as casually as possible.

"It was..." _Shhh, no._ "Jane and I..." _Nonono. She'll kill you._ "No one else... showed up...?" she finished slowly, watching Angela's face nervously, practically asking out loud if that answer was plausible.

"What? Who could stand up my two beautiful girls?" Angela gaped. "It's like all the men went crazy... it's their loss."

Maura's internal squeal at the sentiment was cut short when Jane strode in from the lobby, brows sinking immediately upon seeing two looks she did not like, one smug and one rather panicked.

"Good Morning, honey."

"Mornin Ma..."

"Oh, I have customers," Angela excused herself, noticing a line forming at her register.

Maura heaved a huge breath, thankful her conversations with mother and daughter at least would not have to overlap.

"And what kind of cookie jar is your hand in right now?" Jane asked suspiciously.

"Whatwhywhattyoumean?" Maura looked up, eyes wide.

_Both of my hands are clearly visible. It's obviously some kind of colloquialism. _

"I mean why did my mother just give me that look and why are you covering up your neck and acting- Okay. C'mon. Up, up."

Jane gave a wave to her busy mother and ushered Maura out of the cafe and towards the elevator.

"What happened?" Jane asked, thumbing the button when they stepped in.

"Nothing! Just, your mother saw us leave last night, and... she... asked how our date was."

Jane's mouth opened. "Our _date_?"

"It's okay!" Maura added quickly. "She assumed it was a double date."

"So what'd you say?"

"Well, she asked who we were with, and... I may have had to say it was just us," Maura said, her voice shrinking towards the end.

"_What?!_"

"You know I can't be dishonest! But it's still okay, I fixed it! I fixed it, I was cool."

"Cool? You had friggin' smoke comin' out your ears."

"She just thinks the men didn't show... I didn't have to say that it was because none were invited."

"Why couldn't- oh it's an_ expression_, Maura," she said, reaching out to push the confused doctor's hand away from her ear, "Why couldn't you leave it at 'double date'?"

"She asked me directly, it just came out," Maura shrugged guiltily. "I have trouble keeping things from her. She's like a mother to me."

"She's like a mother to me too, that's why there's trouble if I _don't_ keep things from her," Jane said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Okay. Okay, lemme see your neck, you alright?"

Hesitantly Maura lifted her chin so Jane could see.

"Okay. It's not bad."

The doors opened. Jane followed the doctor to her office and parked herself in the doorway, leaning a shoulder against the frame.

"Are you mad?" Maura turned to ask inside.

"No," said a small, reassuring smile.

_She's not mad. She still walked you to your door. __Not only does she ride down out of her way with you every day, but she walks with you every step to your door._

"Just... I dunno, maybe try not to be alone with her too much, if you can help it?"

"Difficult considering she lives at my house," Maura noted, depositing her purse on her desk.

"True." It was a pretty dumb plan. "If you can't lie, maybe you could work on changing the subject. That's Ma 101."

"She told me the last time you wore a dress, before lately, was at your high school prom," she smiled. "And now I'm dying to know what you wore."

"Well thanks for keeping me posted, at least we'll know what to put for your cause-of-death," Jane replied, crossing her arms.

"Can't I see a picture?"

"Over my dead body. Hey, speaking of dead bodies, there's one now!" She pointed through the blinds into the morgue.

"Okay, how was that?" Maura asked in a suddenly different tone.

"What?"

"I changed the subject," she said happily, standing there with her hands neatly clasped, as if waiting for Jane to come pin a ribbon on her lapel.

Jane narrowed her eyes. "Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one."

"Excellent. But really, I'd like to see how _you_ handle it if she asks you something directly."

"Why would she ever have a reason _to_ ask me about us directly? Or maybe just asking 'what's up' is your version of direct. I'll be like 'Oh, just y'know, bought a new shirt, turned gay...'"

"You haven't 'turned gay', you're just being more open about your feelings. You bought a new shirt?"

"No. And I never had gay feelings to be open about. This is all your fault," she answered in a stage whisper.

"Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?" Maura asked, opening her laptop.

"Is that that thing that tells you if you're gay?" she guessed warily. A handful of people had mentioned this thing to her over the years, for reasons she had never liked to wonder about.

"It's a scale to describe your inclination towards hetero or homosexuality."

"... so yes?"

"It would be more like _how_ gay," she begrudgingly gave an unscientific response, doing a quick search online. "It doesn't tell you anything you don't already know, but maybe you'd be interested in taking a self-test to see where you place on the scale... here, want to try it?"

She came over and handed Jane the laptop before she had really said yes, causing her to have to sit down on the couch with it. Maura moved to sit across from her, even though there was space next to her.

"Why you goin' over there? If you're gonna try to interview me-" Jane began to refuse.

"I'm not, I just thought you might prefer a little privacy with your answers. This is just for your own information."

"Oh." Jane's face glowed in the screen as she approached the first question. "Age..." Two keys tapped. "What does that matter? _Ooh, zat's a very gay age,_" Jane stroked an invisible goatee thoughtfully.

"Dr. Kinsey was American," Maura blinked.

"Whatever. Okay... what gender do you identify as... number of-" Jane's voice quieted to a mumble, "-sexual partners..."

She just stared at the screen until Maura was surprised she didn't know, and was about to assure her that it would be alright if she made an educated guess.

"Um. Do you think, since this is... I mean, would I include you?"

Maura smiled. "I suppose you might as well."

A key clicked, and a second, and Jane's eyes were slyly waiting for her reaction when there were two more clicks, and they both laughed. She backspaced.

Knowing the result would only be a scowl or sarcasm, she'd never asked Jane this question. It didn't truly matter, she was just curious. It couldn't be _that_ many; as far as she knew, Jane had only had sex once during the course of their entire friendship. But Maura heard the number of backspaces and knew the joke might have been to disguise the fact that the remaining answer was one digit. And that figure included her.

It was no secret that Maura's number, though undisclosed, was larger. She had no real regrets, and knew it wouldn't truly make any difference to Jane if she knew, but she rather liked the feeling that she'd never ask.

"...'Would the gender composition of an orgy be irrelevant to my decision to participate'?" Jane grimaced. "Where's the 'hell no I wouldn't go to an orgy' button?"

"Just take your best guess."

Jane continued to just stare at the laptop as if it had transformed into a dirty diaper.

"Try this: Door 1 has two men and Door 2 has two women. And Door 3 has a man and a woman."

"Who's the other woman? Who are these people?"

Maura tried not to laugh. "They're nobody. You're missing the point."

"Oh! Look, between Doors 2 and 3..." Jane said, much more animatedly than usual, reaching out for something apparently invisible.

"What?"

"There's Window 4, that I can jump out of, to my death.."

"You don't even have to say which door you'd prefer. It's just asking _if_ you'd care which door."

Jane clicked "yes" and waved her hand, not wanting to think about it anymore. "Okay. Okay, moving on."

To Maura's slight disappointment, she finished the remaining few questions silently.

"Results... 3? 'Equally homosexual and heterosexual'?" She raised a deadpan face. "Well that clears _that_ up. Thank you, doctors, very informative."

"It's far from comprehensive," Maura smiled. "I just thought it might be fun."

"_Such_ fun. What'd you get?"

"I didn't take it. Let me try." Maura took the laptop back to her desk and ran through the questions quickly. "'2, Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual.'"

"So I'm gayer than you. Hm. Well, guess nobody'd fight you very hard on that one," she stood up with a groaning stretch, gesturing between Maura's ever-feminine attire and her own. Before Maura could launch into a a scientific re-interpretation of their respective wardrobes, she continued, "Alright, this has been enlightening, but I gotta get upstairs. And you should probably go do your corpse thing."

"Ok. I'll meet you for lunch?" There was really no reason in the world she had to ask.

"Sure. Have a predominantly nice day." They exchanged a knowing smile in lieu of a kiss (which Jane insisted they shouldn't do at work even if the floor seemed deserted) before Jane turned to head back for the elevator.

"You too. And seriously," Maura called after her, "will you show me your prom pict-"

"_No._"

* * *

A bowl of Lucky Charms can indeed be balanced quite safely on one's stomach, despite what Maura would insist if she were present.

Jane lay on her couch at what she figured to be well past 1, and nobody was here to chastise her for late snacking and not eating at the table.

Jo Friday sat patiently nearby, nearly nodding off, but a chance at food was always more important than sleep. Jane felt bad not to reward her patience.

"Here, you can have my last... whatever the hell this red circle thing's supposed to be," she flicked her last marshmallow towards Jo.

She drank her milk without spilling a drop and pushed the bowl onto the table with her fingertips. Dropping her head back on the arm of the couch, she stared at the long shadows on the ceiling. One light in the kitchen was the only one on in the apartment. Maura would complain about the dreary, bachelor-slob quality of that too, but there was no reason to turn on more when she just needed enough light not to bang her shins on anything.

She snorted. Maura even interrupted her thoughts from other thoughts about Maura.

That's what was supposed to be her thinking assignment for tonight: sex with Maura. But that never seemed to be quite what she thought about. Not during the day when she stared and daydreamed; not at night, whether she was spooning a warm Maura or a cold pillow.

What she wanted was not sex as she knew it.

_I just want to make her feel good. __I just want to see her really happy._

That's what went on in Jane's mind: just making Maura feel good. The details of _how_ were fuzzy, but that was what it boiled down to. And that wasn't quite how she'd thought about it with anybody else. The things she wanted to do with Maura, she had never wanted to do with any guy. They didn't seem like things you even _could_ do with a guy.

_I act like an ass all the time and I'm not sure she knows I don't really mean it. I have to show her._

_I have to show her how much I love her. _

_"Making love?" _Maura's voice repeated in her mind for the five hundredth time.

She wasn't sure why that had stuck in her memory so strongly. She'd wanted to chuckle when she said it.

_Seriously, who actually calls it 'making love'? That's for song lyrics and old ladies who think 'sex' is a bad word._

_Although, wait... I don't think I ever have heard her call it that before. She calls it sex. Or like... coitus, or something gross._

Maybe her distinction was intentional.

_"Making love?" _She could hear every nuance of the words. They sounded good in her voice, like they belonged there.

_She actually meant that like it's something different._

_Maybe it is. She's smart, she would know._

After staring at the ceiling a while longer, Jane fired up her trusty laptop, squinting her eyes at the bright screen until they adjusted.

The empty Google search bar stared back at her. She would have to be sure to erase all this when she was finished.

**having sex vs making love**

Enter.

_Really? This is so stupid. You already know what it's going to say._

_I know. I just want to see somebody else say it._

**Having sex is about the physical act, the focus being one's own gratification, not necessarily involving any emotional connection.**

_Okay. Well, none of it's supposed to be that. _

Jane didn't do one-night-stands or anything like that; she'd never slept with somebody she didn't actually care about. But even so, she had to admit it was honestly always just as much about the sex as about the guy. That was easy to see now, with Maura as a comparison. Next to her, nothing else was even on the radar. None of those felt the same.

Sex was not the point now. The point was just Maura.

**When someone who is in love makes love to their partner, ****they care very much about making their partner feel cherished and taking care of all their needs, not just sexually.**

"_Cherished_," her mouth silently felt the word. _Yeah. Good._

**They will take time by doing foreplay and making their lover feel loved. They are attentive to their partners every needs and desires. **

_Yes._ Although, she balked momentarily at the word 'foreplay'.

_You idiot, that's all the stuff you've been thinking about. _

_It's going to be all foreplay. Right? There's nothing more to skip to. We don't have the main course. It's all appetizers. _

_Well... she's very appetizing._

**They get more joy out of satisfying them then they do themselves. They do not always need to be satisfied while making love. **

_Yes._ Come to think of it... she barely ever thought of receiving rather than giving.

_If she was all tired and happy and it'd feel nicest to just fall asleep on me... that would be okay._

**Making love between two people who are in love is often slow and intimate. ****After lovemaking many couples that love one another will hold and cuddle their lover as a deeper form of intimacy afterwards. **

_I want that I want that I want that._

_Yes. E__xactly._

She clicked many other pages and read every word, even though they all said the same thing.

_Okay._

_This is all what you want. So you do know what you want. You just haven't known what to call it._

_That's not seriously it, is it?__ You're having a whole crisis over a choice of words? And it doesn't even matter what you call it. You just do it. Like she said._

She briefly considered excitedly texting Maura to relay her findings, but she wouldn't want to wake her up.

_And you better think of a way to explain that to her that sounds less stupid._

It was just as well. She wouldn't want to text this stuff. Or even say it.

_I want to take care of her and learn everything she likes and do it whenever she wants. _

_I just want to feel her and hear her._

_But fill in the details. _She squeezed her eyes shut._ Hear what?_

_Her breathing. _

_What her moans sound like._

_What my name sounds like._

_It'll kill me if she says my name. _

_I hope she kills me._

Jane's face felt a little warm.

_Feel what?_

___Her hair and her lips and her skin. All of it. _

___On all of mine. _

___And how soft she is. Inside._

___I want to show her I love her and she can trust me and I... ____want to make love to her._

Slowly she smiled to herself, chuckling almost diabolically, armed with a new secret.

_Alright, see? That works for you._

Her fingers were at the scrunchy waistband of her sweats and she considered moving them lower, because she knew she could. But knowing was enough; the sleep that had eluded her all evening was finally floating within reach, and she wasn't going to chase it away again, not when she had to work tomorrow.

_You want to make love to her._

Before closing the laptop, she clicked on the webpage she had bookmarked about roses.

_I feel like a white one tomorrow. White means, like..._

**White roses speak of affection that is straight from the heart; a love that is sustained more by honor, loyalty, and reverence than by red-blooded passion.**

_Yeah, that. Okay. That's good for tomorrow. Think of something to write._

_...in the morning._

She turned on her side, wedging her face into the back cushions, closing her eyes.

_You want to make love to her._

It brought a small smile back to her face.

_Say it. Just to see how it feels._

"I want to make love to you." Her faint whisper echoed back at her from the cushion. She snorted.

_You can't laugh when you say it to her._

_But she'll know I never say that. It doesn't belong in my voice. It sounds funny._

_Okay, but, just..._

"I want to make love to you."

_Better._

She laughed again.

But she felt good. It took a minute to realize that was because that little nagging feeling of uncertainty that had been a permanent part of her chest lately, was gone. Peace of mind brought sleep quickly.

* * *

Opening her eyes, Jane was disappointed to find her bedroom window bright. She wished there were hours more to sleep.

Her right arm was tucked somewhere underneath a warm, heavy weight and completely numb. She couldn't feel whether it worked when she wriggled her fingers.

"Paraesthesia?"

Jane frowned faintly, closing her eyes again.

"No thanks."

"Is your arm asleep?"

"Mhm."

She began to move away, but Jane stilled her.

"Nah, stay. You can amputate it later," she muttered, gravelly, into her pillow. "I have an extra one anyway."

"It's unlikely that necrosis has c-"

Jane's good hand crept over her mouth, staying there just long enough to feel that mouth still and then smile.

The mattress shifted and lips touched the corner of hers.

She opened her eyes again a half hour later. The bed was empty and she could hear her shower running.

Yawning, she shuffled out to the kitchen to feed Jo and make some coffee, but the pot was already percolating, and the dog was already working on a bowl of breakfast. She squinted at the clock. It wasn't early enough to be leisurely. She'd have to grab something to eat at work.

"Hey, ok if I brush while you're in there?" Jane asked loudly into the crack of her bathroom door.

"Yeah," Maura called over the running water.

Ambling in front of the mirror, Jane blinked and felt the pillow marks still in her face.

As she began to brush her teeth, her eyes crept over to the peachy shape moving behind the frosted glass of her shower. She'd seen Maura undressed before, at least out the corner of her eye, yet she couldn't prevent her brain from straining to make out any possible details on the blurry figure.

The door slid open a little and Maura stuck a teasing face out. "If you wanted to save time, you're welcome to join-"

"Stop." Jane sounded irritated, but smiled.

"You should try that with toothpaste," she suggested. "It's much more beneficial."

Jane pulled the dry toothbrush out of her mouth, and rolled her eyes at herself. _Genius._

Maura retreating back into the shower, cackling.

By the time Jane had finished brushing (properly), the water turned off and the green towel looped over the top of the glass was pulled inside, reappearing around Maura when the door slid open a moment later.

"Good morning," she spared a pleasant glance for Jane, joining her before the mirror and going about her own business.

"G'morning..."

Jane was not even pretending not to stare at that hair darkened and flattened down the back of her neck, at that ivory skin dewy with water droplets. They were arranged so perfectly and uniformly, in a way Jane had never noticed them on herself. She was sure there was a more scientific answer, but for now she was content to think that the water drops were on their best behavior just for a chance to sit on Maura's perfect skin. The impulse was overpowering to lower her lips and kiss a few of them away, just to break the pattern. The skin was burning hot and it took her a second to realize that was because of the shower, and not Maura's natural state. The displaced drops trickled down to soak into the hem of the towel.

The tip of her nose touched to that warm and solid sheet of wet amber hair, and she wondered what it would feel like when she kissed that, too.

Pausing, her eyes gravitated to the mirror where she knew she'd find her gaze met.

"What's on your mind?" a kittenish Maura asked.

"I was thinkin' about getting into the stock market," she replied flatly.

"I'd be glad to recommend some worthwhile investment options..."

She laughed at the ensuing eyeroll, then turned around to rest her arms on Jane's shoulders, startling her with a small kiss.

"Or would you rather help me dry off?"

Jane couldn't tell if her intentions were as innocent as her face. They couldn't be. She licked her lips.

"...hominahominahomina." It wasn't entirely a joke, but they both laughed. She was very aware of the warmth of Maura's wet arms soaking into her pajama shoulders.

Hair slicked away and without a speck of makeup, Maura looked more stunning to Jane than any supermodel or movie star.

"I like you without makeup," Jane heard herself observe. "I mean _with_, you're a knockout, but I..." she shrugged, taking Maura's face in her hands. "You're prettier like this, I think." Something about Jane's tone told Maura she wasn't even trying to pay a compliment; she was just thinking out loud.

Maybe one reason Jane preferred her this way - even if she didn't realize it - was that Maura generally didn't like for anybody to see her with no makeup. It was safe to assume far fewer men had the privilege of seeing her face bare than her body.

Maura stopped thinking of how to word a reply; Jane was already kissing her.

She didn't mean for it to deepen so rapidly. It was just that Maura's lips were so irresistibly soft.

And she didn't know what she'd done to elicit that little tiny, tiny single note of a moan that passed from Maura's mouth into hers, but it was the most heart-stoppingly wonderful thing Jane had ever heard in her life, and she had this very specific urge to try to taste where it came from.

Jane noticed her heartbeat had resumed, and also set up shop in a new and improved location.

_Hey. Easy there. _

That warm and precariously towel-clad body was pressed up against hers. She'd missed Maura's hands leaving her shoulders and migrating to her sides. Now they were moving slowly around, and when Jane felt that their course would next pass up the sides of her breasts, she made no effort to stop them. Maura couldn't tell she smiled slightly.

Thumbs made matching arcs over the cotton tank top, grazing just once over twin points behind the fabric. It was not really meant to be pleasurable. It was just exploratory, as if Maura forgot Jane could feel it.

Jane's stomach tensed, surprised such a tiny sensation felt so good.

_Pull back._

She inhaled deeply, wanting only to press forward into Maura's touch, in case she'd do it again.

_No, other way._

Dark eyes stared back between kisses, hungry and unblinking. It was the first time Maura had seen Jane look at her this way - in a way decidedly past their usual, sweetly amorous friendship. She'd seen Jane in aroused states before - excited, or more often angry - but never sexually aroused, and never focused entirely on her. Where she'd felt like the more confident one all along, now she felt she might combust under this gaze. The pauses between kisses didn't last long enough to find out.

Jane's whole body seemed to beat along with the blood in her veins. Each heartbeat tried to be the beginning of a lunge forward. And why shouldn't she. It wasn't as if she was saving herself for some wedding night or something.

And even though Maura was understanding and patient as could be, there was still a part of her looking back in those sparkling eyes, more than expectantly, almost daring her to do more.

They both wanted it.

Why shouldn't she just hoist Maura up on that countertop right now and find out if she was just as wet underneath that towel as she-

_Because your first time is not gonna be a cheap quickie in your bathroom before work._

She closed her eyes and lured her mind away with a picture of herself laying Maura down on clean sheets, making love to her slowly.

_Come on. You can't have that if you do this.__  
_

"Maur- not like this," she breathed. "Okay?" But having yet for her body to agree to this plan, she sealed their lips together again.

_You can do this ten times a day later on if you want, but not the first time. __You only get one first time. You want to do it nice._

Hands slid away, as if Maura had just realized where they'd gone without her supervision.

"I wasn't try-"

She hadn't tried to tempt Jane into anything - all she did was stand there. But she didn't need to _try_ to be tempting. Nor did Jane consider herself in any danger of exciting anybody in baggy plaid PJ's and hair that looked like she'd crawled out of a swamp. But here they were.

"I know."

Aroused as she was, 'our first was in the bathroom' was not the legacy Maura would be proudest to cement for their relationship, either. She was on-board with the idea of stopping, although neither of them really seemed to be ending this kiss.

The quiet rustle at their feet did it.

Jane finally broke the kiss to level a challenging look at her, less intimidating than usual because of her flushed cheeks.

"I didn't do it!" Maura laughed, feeling goosebumps as the air touched her everywhere at once. She really hadn't caused the towel to drop on purpose, but she wouldn't have been embarrassed if Jane looked, either. Part of her wanted Jane to look. To look, and not be able to stop looking, to back her up against the wall and take her right here.

_Nope don't look don't look don't look don't look up up up up up_

"Come _on_," Jane groaned quietly, eyes stopping at the apex of a roll and staying on the ceiling. "It's... dammit, why you gotta be so pretty," she said, exasperated, kissing Maura once more and then ripping herself away just as quickly. "Okay, I'm... better go make sure the kitchen's still there," she stammered, running into the door as she turned around. "Ow. Shut up." She disappeared around the corner.

Maura chuckled. She took a deep breath to steady herself and quickly went on with her hair and makeup, not bothering to put the towel back on until it was time to trade Jane for the bathroom. She owed poor Jane privacy for her turn, but more pressingly, she needed to relieve herself before she got dressed; she would _not_ relish an entire workday stuck in this condition.

She dropped the towel and laid back in bed the moment she heard that glass door slide shut, sparing only a moment to luxuriate in the feeling of Jane's still-warm sheets on her bare skin. Normally she'd worry about losing a race against the detective's usual army-brief shower, but right now she doubted she'd need a full minute. Her fingers glided with ease and she tried to be as quiet as possible.

As she let the water splash over her shoulders, Jane was equal parts agonized to have cut things short, impressed at her self-restraint, and immensely relieved to learn that she was the world's biggest idiot.

_You were actually worrying you might not want that? Haha. Hahahahahaha._

And she was about 98% sure what Maura must be doing right now, because it's all she wanted to do.

Her hand lowered through the warm spray, grazing over skin which was wet from the water, and then to where it was wetter than the water. She couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten this wet so quickly.

_She's almost definitely in your bed. In just a towel. Or maybe not even the towel. And she's... heh... right now. Has to be. _

_If you looked out that door right now, you'd see..._

Only peripheral drops of hot water hit her body as she stood off to the side, leaning her temple against the cool tile. Hips pushing awkwardly against her hand in midair, grounded by nothing. She never did this standing up. But there wasn't time, and a workday stuck like this would be fatal. The grunt that escaped her throat was practically silent, but in her memory a second later, surely must have amplified in the shower to the volume of a stadium loudspeaker, and she wasn't sure whether it excited or horrified her to think Maura might have heard. Maybe she was too busy thinking the same thing.

Soapy water washed the evidence down the drain. She hoped her legs would solidify in time to not wobble out of the bathroom like a vaguely guilty-looking newborn foal.

Maura knew it'd be best appreciated if she acted perfectly normal as they left for work, even though she noticed Jane's shower took a little longer than usual.

* * *

It was after lunch on that week's Friday that an enormous grin took over Maura's face before she even stepped through her office doorway and saw the splash of color that waited on her desk. The beautiful, deep red. _Because I love you._

She leaned back in her chair, feeling its soft petals on her nose and lips as she breathed its fragrance, grinning and giggling like a fool, completely forgetting she was at work.

Thank goodness her most important work for the day was already overwith, because her mind was already off the clock.

* * *

**A/N **- I've gotten a few questions about clarifying exactly how long they're waiting. I didn't specify because I don't know. I don't think it's really important; it takes a unique process of emotions and experiences to feel ready to take that step, not just X amount of time. Space out these scenes according to your interpretation.


	8. Chapter 8 is the sex chapter

**Ok, this chapter is the last I had planned. Can't lie though, I'm getting to be an addict to the writing and feedback and I kinda hate for it to end. Since this story is just fluffsmut there's no real "ending" I have in mind, so this could be a stopping point or I could try to continue further... I'm on the fence, somebody give me a shove.**

**(Sorry for the length - I got carried away and there was no good place to divide it!)**

* * *

The air was still and the late afternoon sky a solid white blanket when they stepped outside BPD, free from work for the weekend. Hopefully.

"What do you wanna do for dinner?" Jane asked on their way to their cars.

"Dinner?"

"Yeah. You know, where you put food in your mouth at night? Hey, wanna try that Frenchy place you were talkin' about?"

Maura looked almost alarmed. "No!"

"Oh..kay? I didn't take you anywhere very nice in a while, I just thought..."

"_Chez Rizzoli_ is a nice place," Maura smiled.

"That French or Italian?"

"Italian, but you wouldn't know it. They mainly serve frozen dinners and pizza."

"Since when do you like that?"

"Since I have a crush on the chef." _  
_

Jane snorted.

A manicured hand reached into her open bag and picked up the red rose sitting gently atop its other contents. "If this means what I think it means, then food is not my priority."

"It's not a starting pistol, Maura," she smirked, closing her eyes momentarily. "Just... next time... I'm not gonna stop us."

"When's next time?" _Say tonight._

Jane shrugged. "Whenever."

_Tonight. _"I don't want to go out to dinner." _Take me home._

It wasn't that Maura had grown impatient. She'd gladly wait years for Jane to be ready - had, sort of. But now if Jane _was_ ready, there was no reason to delay Christmas morning. Especially since she'd thought of absolutely nothing else for the past four hours.

They stared at each other for a moment. Neither blushing nor joking seemed necessary.

"Okay. Meet you at my place."

Drops began to dot the windshield as Maura got into her car, and it was fully raining by the time she arrived at the apartment. Always the lead-foot, Jane was already parked and out of her car.

Maura parked and reached for the collapsible umbrella in her glove compartment, but when she caught sight of Jane approaching, shucking her blazer and holding it up overhead, she shut the compartment empty-handed. She stole smitten glances up at Jane as she sheltered her carefully all the way from the curb to the top of the apartment steps, immune to the raindrops hitting herself. _Your shining armor's going to rust._

"Thank you," she smiled as they reached the top of the apartment steps. "I hope it isn't rust-" _Wait._

"Huh?"

"I hope it isn't ruined."

"It's just water," Jane shrugged, giving her soggy blazer a shake and opening the door.

"Rain _is_ water in its purest form... although droplets do collect trace impurities as they fall th..." she noted Jane's blank face as she passed. "It's... yes."

Jane unlocked apartment #12, finding Jo Friday in mid-leap off the couch to greet them.

"Mind hangin' this up for me, while I diffuse my little bomb real quick?" She asked, handing Maura her blazer and grabbing the leash hanging over her doorknob.

"Sure."

* * *

Jo didn't like the rain. Maybe if her brain was not the size of a walnut, she would know to get this overwith quickly. Instead, she stood on the grass looking bewildered for ten times longer than she usually took. Jane was an encouraging cheerleader.

"Go!"

"GOOOOOOOOooooo."

_"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE KEEPING ME FROM."_

* * *

Part of being a good cop was quickly absorbing details. You had to be able to describe a stranger you'd seen only in a blur. You had to remember what sounds you heard in what order, and know the placement of every object in a scene. When Jane left her apartment, both of her stools had not been pushed all the way in to the kitchen counter, and slightly back towards the wall. When she returned, they were. Smiling at Maura's subtle discouragement from sitting down here, she parked herself at the end of the counter where two glasses of wine had been poured. A stray beer bottle had also been turned into a rose vase.

Maura was two inches shorter now, having shed her heels. She rose momentarily on her toes to give Jane a peck when she approached, and handed her a glass.

"Thanks."

They clinked, not needing to verbalize their toast.

"Would you rather have had a beer?" Maura asked.

"Nah." She swirled it. "This is... wine-er." ..._What?_

"I think you do like wine now," she smiled, sipping. "You've even been buying it yourself."

"Like you buy beer and dog food. Eh, it's not bad."

"I'm not turning you into a wine snob?"

Jane considered her method of wine shopping: Walk at a brisk pace through the wine aisle at the grocery store, scan like the Terminator for the words "Pinot noir," (because that was the only wine thing she could definitely remember Maura saying) and grab the first one she saw that cost $10 or less, ideally without breaking stride. She was aware her purchases were probably something Maura might hesitate to clean her drains with, but the fact that she kept _any_ wine on hand was a big step.

Maura knew not to risk jinxing it.

"More like wine.. _slob_."

She chuckled while Jane finished her glass. If she'd cared about having fine wine, she'd have supplied it herself. This made her throat warm on its way down, and that was enough.

"More?"

Jane shook her head with a crooked smirk. "I can stand you sober." For the sake of her nerves she could have had plenty of refills, but for whatever was probably about to happen, she wanted a clear head and a strong memory.

"Charmer."

Neither of them would have felt entirely sober right now even if they were drinking water.

Maura was watching tiny beads of water grow and fall from some of the wetter ends of Jane's hair. She set aside her empty glass, needing both hands to slide up Jane's shoulders and feel how the fabric was warmed by her body and dampened by rain. Her thumbs grazed where cloth ended and smooth collarbone began. Leaning closer, she closed her eyes and breathed her in - the spice of that body wash they hoped no one noticed they had in common, faint sweat and fresh airy ozone and warm lavender and home.

She lingered too close for Jane to simply let her stand there; arms slipped around her waist, easing them an inch closer so that she could touch a silent kiss to the perfect arch of one brow.

Maura turned her head and laid it on her shoulder, something that never failed to make Jane smile. Lashes tickled her neck. They were swaying faintly side to side, but not in a dancing way; just too much momentum to stand completely still.

"Thanks for giving me time." She put a finger to Maura's mouth, already well-familiar with the reassurance that was about to come out. "I know. Just, still. You're a good sport."

"Jane, why today?"

Why. She was now so comfortable with Maura that it felt weirder _not_ to be more intimate with her. She didn't fear any fallout or horrible misunderstandings. She'd stopped worrying about finding regret on Maura's face in the morning. Or her own. She actually loved somebody, and they actually loved her back; that's what people wait their whole lives for. Now that she knew what she wanted, waiting had started to feel like wasting. Not that any time they spent together was truly a waste, but not everyone had an open invitation like this.

"I figured out something I was being dumb about."

"Which is?"

"Same reason it took me so long to figure out how I felt about you in the first place. I thought it meant I'd want to have sex with you. But I never thought of it like that. I mean, what I want with you, I never wanted with anybody..."

"What _do_ you want?" Maura raised her head to ask.

Jane nosed aside her hair and pressed a few small kisses along the edge of her face. Lips brushed cheekbone as she replied in a whisper - not trying to be seductive, just so close that it didn't need to be louder - "I wanna make love to you." _Don't laugh. Don't laugh._ She didn't - maybe because it was so clear Maura wasn't going to laugh at her. She continued kissing near her temple.

Even though Maura knew this was something Jane never said, she could never have laughed; it was the most welcome news she'd ever heard. Combined with the way Jane's voice rasped when she whispered, the words made her shiver.

Maura's smiling lips tilted up to meet Jane's in a soft, wine-flavored kiss that turned passing minutes into seconds. Even though they both were excited knowing this was leading somewhere new, there was no rush.

"Oh... um, I probably shoulda..." It just occurred to Jane that it would have been a good idea to prepare a little prior to leaving this morning. Had some music ready, or something. She would have rolled her eyes if any guy ever presented her with one of those Barry-White-and-scattered-rose-petals setups, but Maura was probably used to some pampering.

"What?"

"Well, I didn't know this was happening the second we came home, or else I'd have... I mean, do you wanna..." she covered half her face as she started laughing at herself, "I dunno, light some candles or something?"

Maura laughed too. Those smooth, warm, separate notes that always felt like she was laughing with you, not at you. "I didn't think you were the candles type."

"I'm not. But you kinda are, huh?"

"Not really," she answered with a small shrug.

"What do you mean, not really? How about meditating? You got enough candles to burn the house down."

"My _responsible_ use of candles to create an ambiance of tranquility does not constitute a fire hazard. Jane," she smiled, kissing her quietly, "we can do all of that some other time. Right now all I want is you."

"Fine by me... but I know I have _a_ candle at least, if I don't use it now, I don't know why I even have it," she muttered, heading to grab a lighter from her kitchen drawer.

Maura smirked and followed her into her bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Jane grabbed the dusty blue candle that had been sitting on her dresser so long she didn't even see it anymore (to be fair, it was hidden under the small pile of misfit shirts she'd been meaning to give away... for so long that she didn't even see _them_ anymore). She lit it and plopped it down on her nightstand.

"There. Ambiance!" She declared, sweeping both hands with finality.

Maura laughed.

"Um. D'you want me to at least make my bed?" Jane asked half-jokingly, taking the gun from her belt and adding it to her nightstand.

"There's something I like about your bed unmade," Maura said, running a hand through the folds of the haphazardly scrunched-up sheets. Her own bed was usually kept prepared for a surprise Better Homes and Gardens photo shoot, but somehow it was just not as inviting like this... "Lavender! That's funny."

"Huh?"

"It's lavender." She poked the muted purple comforter, and let herself plop backwards on it, toes dangling just shy of the floor. "Like you. Or your perfume, I should say. I don't suppose that's intentional."

Jane snorted. "That would be a _you_ level of coordination. Ma got that on sale somewhere. I don't even like that color but, hey, it's warm, I dunno. Never cared enough to spend half a Saturday standing in line to try to exchange it." Probably at least half of her worldly possessions had some variation of that story.

"_I_ like it." Maura would like anything with that scent.

It was quiet for a minute. Jane just watched her, laying there with her eyes closed in a tranquil smile.

"Jane."

"Yeah?"

Maura patted the bed next to her, expression unchanged.

Jane sat and laid back alongside her, matching her position.

"This a trap?" she smiled as fingers intertwined with hers.

"Yes. But just listen to the rain for a minute."

Perhaps they weren't lacking mood music after all. There was already the muted splash of drops on the windowsill, a few vague rumbles of faraway thunder - the kind you're only pretty sure isn't actually a plane - and the occasional swash of tires through puddles on the street below. Jane wouldn't say she _loved_ rain, exactly. But she knew Maura did, so right now she loved it for being the perfect touch.

"I know, you love the rain."

"Mhm. You didn't _plan_ this, did you?"

"Wh-? Yes... yes. Mother nature and I are in cahoots. We thought you'd like it."

"I mean, did you check the fore-"

Jane rolled over and interrupted her with a kiss.

"Cloudy with zero percent chance of anything if you're gonna start talkin' about meteorology."

Maura smiled. "Got it."

Jane moved right above her and got lost just looking at her, captivated, humor slowly dissolving from her face. Maura's smile looked even more beautiful from directly above, her hair somehow arranged neatly on the sheets beneath her even though she hadn't touched it. _Is this seriously for real? __You'd seriously want anything to do with me, let alone...?_

Several moments passed before she lowered, appearing about to kiss her. Instead she just rested her forehead gently on Maura's for a moment, before placing what was only meant to be one kiss there, but ended up several.

"I meant it," she said, in that soothingly husky murmur that could practically put Maura in a trance. "What I sai- wrote. This _is_ because I love you." Even though she thought it constantly, she didn't sprinkle it excessively through conversation; too-casual use cheapened it, she felt. When she said it, she wanted you to know it meant something. Maura did. "I know I have a funny way of showing it sometimes. But I really do."

She wasn't truly saying this_ to_ Maura, though. It was more like a last, extra, double-triple-quadruple, final check on herself to distinguish this from all the other times. To make sure it was right. But she already knew.

And when that quiet-but-sure voice replied "I love _you,_" she felt safe enough to smile as she pushed her heart out into the middle of the betting table.

There were lots of things Maura wanted to say, to ask. She wanted to look at those three words under a microscope, hers and Jane's, run them though the gas chromatograph and measure all the little feelings and promises they were made of. But she already knew.

The conversation would be long; they'd save it for later. Right now, words seemed so inadequate, and redundant with the looks on their faces.

Jane's smile seemed even more beautiful from directly underneath, her messy hair hanging down around their faces.

Maura's hands slid up her arms, feeling the strong frame of her shoulders holding her above as they kissed, smiling inwardly at the sort of dominant position she had always imagined Jane taking with her. What she had not imagined was the way it would feel when Jane settled down on her elbows, and she could feel the warm weight of her body just barely touching hers in certain places. Or the way Jane would use both hands to brush fingertips lovingly through her temples while she continued that same deep, languid kiss. Utterly unhurried, lost once again in the softness with all the time in the world to stay there. Maura's head swam.

Her hands drifted around Jane's back, tugging to untuck the green shirt and white tank at once. She slid underneath and up her back, giddy at the warmth of the skin under her palms. When Jane pulled away, she worried she'd moved too fast. (She had vastly underestimated the duration of that kiss.)

Instead she watched Jane sit back and pull her shirts the rest of the way off, exposing more of that beautiful olive skin in just a black bra. There was a faint plop as the garments landed somewhere on the floor behind her.

Maura sat up, licking her lips unconsciously as Jane swept her hair to one side - that thick, gorgeous Italian mane that shone chestnut in the sun but looked jet black here in her bedroom.

Without hesitation she began to kiss at the long, slender neck that looked so irresistibly delicious. She knew that was not truly accurate. She knew that skin really had no flavor at all, let alone a 'delicious' one. She knew that if she licked, it wouldn't really be like scooping up a dollop of warm caramel on her tongue, yet the urge was bizarre to her. Sure, she'd been attracted to people before, but she was familiar with the human body down to the cellular level - she didn't think she'd be capable of literally salivating for one.

Maura paused, realizing her fingers were already at the back of Jane's bra.

"Can..?"

The nod was subtle against her hair, saving her the rest of the question. It fell softly into their laps, instantly picked up again and flung away. Jane shivered from the sudden airflow, or maybe the extreme awareness of a new line being crossed.

It would have to be hands that first examined Jane; Maura's lips had gotten back to hers and now they would not leave again.

Palms pressed flat to taut muscle, taking some moments to appreciate those magnificent abdominals before sliding upwards. She felt a soft exhale into her mouth as her fingers met the firm swells and slid up over them. Covering them. She sat nearly in Jane's lap, still kissing her deeply and holding warm breasts in both hands, absolutely still for a moment. They fit in her hands like they belonged there. The heart underneath raced.

Fingers began to play gently with little points hard as bullets.

Jane had meant to unbutton Maura's blouse at the same time, but got distracted after only one.

Pulling back, Maura finally had to take her first look at what she'd been touching, not surprised to find it just as beautiful to the eye as to the touch. If this was not anatomical perfection, the term ought to be redefined. Everything about Jane was smooth and firm and tanned and long and lean and strong. Chiseled angles and toned musculature like a Greek statue. Her decidedly feminine beauty was almost unexpected, considering the way Jane treated herself like one of the guys. She definitely did not give herself enough credit - the way she acted, one could almost fail to notice she was actually drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe somehow she really didn't know.

None of these compliments actually made it out of her mouth like she thought they did, but her face expressed them just as clearly.

"Are you, uh…"

"Oh!" Maura did not know whether she'd been motionless staring at Jane's body for a few seconds, or much, much longer. "Sorry. I was admiring your…" _Your everything._ "Your fossa jugularis sternalis."

Jane stared blankly.

"The suprasternal notch."

"Maura."

"This thing." She kissed the dip at the base of Jane's throat, unable to see the half-grin she'd earned. "You are exquisite, Jane."

Maura collected one perfect, dark nipple on her tongue, sealing her lips around it and drawing gently. A quiet, almost comical groan made her pause to giggle. Hands grasped lightly on her shoulders, urging her to continue. She let Jane's nipple slip from her lips and blew on it gently, surprising her with cold before warming it back up again.

She only had to tilt her head up to find Jane's approving smile waiting close, eager to welcome her lips home again.

_I wanna do that. I wanna do that. _Nimble fingers made quick work of the rest of Maura's buttons and peeled the blouse off her shoulders, dipping forward to kiss the freckled skin she'd caught herself staring at so many times.

To anyone else, the scar on her neck - the scar she should not have - was virtually unnoticeable. The gesture was not lost on Maura when she pressed a long, deliberate kiss to it.

"Hey, you have a pretty good… jungle... fossil sternumunus yourself," Jane complimented, placing another kiss on the dip and then on her lips - lips that gave way to teeth as Maura tried her best to kiss back while laughing. She loved when that happened.**  
**

As soon as she kissed down to the edge of a lacy peachy-colored bra, Maura promptly and confidently removed it herself. Jane reminded herself that she didn't have to politely look away. Good thing, too, because she couldn't.

Maura was made of flawless porcelain curves, sculpted by precise exercise, but not hardened by a day's hard physical work in her life. Rounded and soft and shapely and supple and female and female. There must have been some mistake, some mix-up - this could not really be Jane's to touch and admire and learn like a new instrument. It was too perfect.

Instead of touching her, Maura was a little surprised to hear Jane start talking after a moment's distant smile.

"I just remembered I saw this painting one time. Of an angel. I forget where." Nude, of course. Fair and impossibly perfect, frozen in some graceful gesture. She remembered looking out the corner of her eye, trying not to let anyone notice how long she was staring at it. "I was probably a teenager. I think that was one of the only times I mighta ever given girls half a real thought, cause she was so perfect. But then I said, 'Nah, nobody really looks like that.'" She studied Maura for another moment before narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "How. Did you get out. Of that painting."

Maura laughed, taking her face in both hands to kiss her. She'd wrack her brain later, trying to remember where she'd seen that painting.

She reached to Maura's side where one of those smooth swells began, running underneath and cupping gently, feeling her warm and full and heavy in her hand. "_Jeez_you'rebeauful," she mumbled into her lips, stroking a thumb slowly back and forth over the pale pink bud that was both hard and soft at once.

There was just enough time between kisses to breathe.

Maura sighed quietly. Jane's touch felt wonderful, but it was an unintentional touch that had stolen her attention - she realized she could feel the faintly raised scar on that palm. And there was something so beautiful about that - those hands that had felt such pain, now taking such pleasure in discovering Maura's body.

The blonde spread her fingers over the smooth muscles of Jane's back. She wanted to feel this above her. Rolling backwards with a grin, she pulled her along.

Jane caught herself on one palm, laying Maura down onto her sheets with the other behind her head, kissing her deeply once she was down.

Tossing her hair out of the way, she trailed slowly around Maura's chest, just loving to feel soft skin sliding endlessly under her lips, kissing at the newly uncovered territory. Sad she couldn't pucker up with enough precision to kiss individual freckles, she aimed for as many as possible instead, as if they'd stick to her lips like sprinkles. Fingernails trailed lightly up Jane's spine and there was a warm giggle when she shivered.

"_Phthht_," Jane paused to blow a strand of hair out of her lips for what seemed like the tenth time. "Alright, hang on-" she moved back, reaching to her nightstand drawer to look for a band to tie back her hair.

"I like it."

"Oh." Mission abandoned immediately, she reclaimed her spot. She hung and shook her head a little, making the ends of her curls dance and tickle at Maura's face. "You like that? You sure? There you go."

"Yeah, I do," Maura giggled, winding her finger around one strand and tugging Jane back down for a kiss.

Jane trailed her lips straight down to the warm valley between Maura's breasts, feeling both in her hands. This pair was her definition of perfect - not that she'd ever really noticed anyone else's, or given much thought to breasts in general. She tasted a nipple and held it between her lips, amazed to feel the way it stiffened.

Maura drew a breath at the sudden heat. This had always been one of her favorite activities - when done correctly, that is - not the onslaught of manhandling and biting that was oddly common. She wasn't surprised Jane's ministrations were gentle, but it had been impossible to accurately imagine how incredible this would feel. The pleasantly ticklish feeling of that long hair resting on her chest was something she had never felt before, a detail she'd been unable to properly figure into her fantasies. Her fingers threaded into it.

Jane took her time suckling gently, before releasing to bestow a delicate lick to the pink tip. Though she loved this, she missed Maura's lips. When she started back up, the arms around her tightened, pulling her closer until their bodies touched.

Jane closed her eyes at the contact of her bare skin skimming over Maura's - particularly the two foremost points - silky and electric and ticklish. Maddening, but at the same time on another, innocent level, just so lovely. Like coming home. Like they'd done this a million times, and this was only the first after a long separation. Warm and soft, pressed against warm and soft. She nuzzled affectionately at Maura's neck with a humming smile.

"This is just... exactly... how I wanted," she whispered happily, kissing under her ear. "'Cept better."

"Me too." Returning a smile, Maura kissed her again.

A long time was spent this way - just being close, feeling skin on skin and sharing nourishing kisses - though it seemed like only a short minute had passed when it was made clear to Maura that the hand down by her waist had a purpose.

"Um, help me out here," Jane laughed, "is there a zipper or..."

Maura smiled and lifted her hips, unzipping her own skirt and letting Jane tug it off, revealing her matching (of course) lacy thong. She watched with a little surprise as Jane stopped and got up to drape the skirt neatly on her chair.

"Since when do you care about clothes getting wrinkled?"

Jane shrugged. "_I_ don't."

Maura smiled.

"You comfy?" She asked, climbing back aboard. "Pillow?"

Maura hadn't especially been wanting one, but she loved the way Jane took care of her. Still smiling, she watched her snag the nearest pillow and ease it under her head, on top of which she then received a kiss.

Settling close at Maura's side, that one hand again slid as far as it would reach, to a band of lace and a silky thigh - which spread apart from the other without Maura's knowledge. She kneaded gently, and a sigh as soft as that skin fluttered past her ear.

_That scar again._ Now wasn't the time to mention it.

The first time Jane's finger grazed the fabric, it was unintentional. _Wait._ But not the second time. She had to know if her imagination had run away, or if it was truly as soaked as she thought she'd felt.

Brown eyes opened to hazel ones, half-stunned, her mouth hanging open a little. _You're, you're.._

"I've had half the day," Maura explained, tucking Jane's hair behind her ear. She wondered if the smell of roses might forever have a Pavlovian effect on her.

"That's... about me?" She'd inspired the male version plenty of times, but that was hardly an accomplishment. This was so much more... _more_.

"M-hm," Maura smiled.

If Jane's own panties weren't already in the same condition, she could feel them catching up right now as a flash of heat spread through her. She dipped for an urgent kiss.

Maura silently gasped in pleasure at the sudden warmth of Jane's hand fully against her, cupping her intimately over the wet fabric. Sometime during a long, deep kiss, flattened fingers had started to move in slow circles. She closed her eyes, unable to help but arch into the delicious pressure.

This could easily be all she needed - but one thing had always been consistent in her fantasies, and she wanted it to come true.

"Jane," she said quietly, in not the most even voice. "I want..."

"Hm?" A collarbone kiss. _Anything._

"I want you," she whispered into her hair, "inside me."

The five-heartbeat pileup in her chest rendered Jane speechless; she nodded.

A hand covered hers, guiding it up and back down again, this time slipping under her thong. Jane's trembled slightly, and she hoped Maura knew it was from excitement much more than nervousness.

"Stay, Maur, stay with me," she murmured, and the hand that had begun to leave returned. She liked the togetherness. They should be together for this.

Her fingers skimmed over bare skin until she found where it suddenly turned from smooth to slippery, from warm to scalding. They released matching breaths. Reverent fingertips moved under Maura's, exploring what was both familiar and unfamiliar at once, so soft and slick that Jane could barely feel anything except heat.

Maura was about to protest when that hand withdrew, but she cooperated happily once she realized why. She brought up her legs, allowing Jane to slip off her last article of clothing without interrupting the kisses at her shoulder. Again she settled her hand on the back of Jane's.

This was the only part that made Jane nervous. Rationally she knew she wouldn't hurt Maura, but she'd never forgive herself if she somehow did. She focused her touch, counting on Maura to guide her. "Show me?"

Even under Maura's control, Jane was careful to read her eyes, but her own were the more reactive pair. Surprised at how easily her slender middle finger disappeared, almost as if Maura were pulling as well as pushing. Overwhelmed by how searing hot she was. It wasn't surprising, but still shocking.

Maura pressed Jane's hand in place for a moment, smiling even more at the loving, stunned fascination on Jane's face than at the sensation. She closed her eyes when Jane kissed her tenderly as she filled her for the first time. And when Jane began to move gently, without her help, she couldn't stop her her head from tilting back.

"_Jane..._"

The brunette froze. All past attempts to imagine Maura moaning her name were instantly blown out of the water by scarcely more than a whisper. Jane so wished she could save it - grab it out of the air, put it in a locket, and wear it around her neck for the rest of her life. Letting out an excited breath, she easily added another digit and began again, glancing up to watch the most beautiful face in the world flicker between smiles and gasps.

Jane could hardly accept that this was real.

"I'm ins... I'm." Voice quiet and raw. "Maura."

"You're inside me," Maura breathed, sharing the same tremulous smile.

_I'm inside you. _She didn't know Maura could see her lips form the words she was thinking.

"_Jane._"

"_So soft_." She whispered almost silently against Maura's throat between kisses. "_You're so soft, Maura... you're so perfect..._"

Satisfied that she was doing right, judging by the hands grasping at her back, Jane let her eyes close and slid her lips onto the nearest nipple.

Jane couldn't get enough of the sounds she was starting to hear. Ones she herself never could produce - delicate and melodious and smooth as honey. The femininity was inescapable, going right under Jane's skin and making her tingle with the stark reality of what she was doing, of what she was enjoying so thoroughly.

She did not want anyone else to hear this ever again.

Maura tightened fingers that she did not remember threading through wavy hair. Her hips rolled on their own, matching Jane's hand. Those fingers felt so much longer than they'd ever looked.

Jane stroked her deeply and slowly, soaking in every detail she could detect, trying to tailor each motion to Maura's reactions. Eager to comply whenever she breathed a request. _"Faster." "Don't stop." "Three."_

Light was dim, the storm bringing evening prematurely, and rain was only a small part of the quiet soundtrack in Jane's bedroom. There were the frequent sounds of lips parting, kisses ending just so they could begin again. Near-silent breaths, the occasional hum of approval, the downy rustle of sheets. The crinkly sound of fingernails dragging across Jane's scalp - maybe only Jane could hear that, just like each could hear her own heart pounding. But two sounds in particular had Jane mesmerized: soft, breathy moans of her name, on top of the most beautifully obscene sound she might ever have heard, the tiny but steady _squish, squish__._

Maura writhed, overwhelmed with the strong fingers pumping relentlessly inside her, the wet lips nursing softly at her breast, the warm hair pooled on her chest that tickled with each breath. But most of all, just knowing that it was Jane, finally, finally making love to her. _So good. So good. _

She'd expected Jane's love to be tender, but this was beyond what she'd imagined. She could feel the care in each moment, so richly, deeply sublime, magnifying everything, making her burn and shiver under Jane's ministrations. It all suddenly seemed totally new.

"Jane- am I getting..."

"Hm?" lips hummed on her chest.

"...your sheets?" she warned, only half-coherently.

Jane smiled after a moment. _I don't care._ "Good." She drew her fingers through a tiny, warm river. _I don't want to own any sheets without you on them._

The only reply Maura could manage was a moan.

Her voice grew with need but never broke that ladylike softness, even when she began to desperately call on both Jane and God. Her head rolled to one side from the other, finding no escape in any direction from Jane's pleasing touch. Not that she wanted to.

Jane was grateful Maura didn't keep longer fingernails, as she seemed to be trying to grab her shoulder blades like handles. The muscles of her arm were beginning to burn a bit, but she had no intention of slowing.

She didn't need previous experience to know Maura was nearly there. Despite being inside her, she still didn't feel close enough; Jane wanted to be with her, close to her, holding her. She moved up to kiss at her cheek, still pushing deeply inside her.

At the moment, she didn't recognize this as exactly the same well-timed and maybe cheesy stunt she'd fantasized a thousand times, but just something that she felt the overwhelming need to say, immediately -

"I love you so much, Maur," she rasped softly, with a kiss to her temple, "I love you."

Words and fingers touched Maura in two glorious places at once, crossing live wires. She imploded.

The pleasure was almost too intense to register at all. Rolling hard against Jane, she was barely aware that it was her own voice whimpering her name over and over.

Jane watched her head fall back again and kissed at her throat, loving to not only hear her delicate cries but feel them vibrate beneath her lips. Loving the beautiful features contorted in sweet, excruciating release, the hands clutching hard at her back, the velvet walls milking at her fingers.

_"Jane-Jane-Jane... Jane.."_

_"I love you."_

_"Jane."_

She moved directly above to kiss Maura tenderly once she could breathe, her lips collecting the last tiny moans as she calmed.

"You're so beautiful," Jane murmured, unable to stop covering her face in slow kisses. If she'd felt love for Maura before, she felt like exploding now. All she wanted to do was love her, cover her and hold her and please her and protect her forever. Every cliche she had ever made fun of now made sense.

_So beautiful. __You look so happy. __I want you to be this happy all the time. _A grin had spread across her face so intense it hurt a little._ Please, I wanna keep you this happy. Always._

Dazed eyes fluttered open.

No one had ever looked at Maura quite like Jane was looking at her right now, a combination of melted adoration and disbelief. Where she usually found cocky pride, was only love and honor in misty eyes.

Perhaps even better than the climax was the way Jane's body covered hers now, guarding her from the world, bestowing one of those knightly kisses on her forehead. She could not medically account for the sensation of her body evaporating. **  
**

"I love you." These weren't repetitions. Each was brand new and deliberate, her love for Maura swelling so rapidly that one she'd said only seconds earlier felt weak and laughably obsolete. _  
_

Were her lungs in working order, Maura might have spoken all the things on her mind, but all that came out was a drunken sort of giggly, contented hum. She let her eyes close and moved her head toward Jane, the rest of her too jellied to follow.

Jane settled and gathered her against her own body. "C'mere, sweetie, I've got you," she lulled, wrapping her securely in her arms like the most precious thing in existence.

Burning arousal had melted into the most intense adoration - the deepest feelings of any kind she ever remembered feeling, spreading an ache in her chest. Without a doubt, this had been - and was continuing to be - the best moment of her entire life. _Sleep. Sleep, sweetheart, I've got you. I love you._

Maybe it was grinning so hard that caused one tear to spill from the corner of her eye, and now it was official - Maura was so beautiful it made her cry. She didn't want to wipe it away.

If Heaven could offer a delight on par with the sound of this woman crying her name in loving ecstasy, or the privilege of holding her tightly as she sought a satiated rest in her arms, Jane had no idea what that could possibly be. The briefest prayer she had ever made was also the most sincere. _Thank you God, for Maura._

She had no intention of interrupting Maura's glow after only its brightest moments to insist 'my turn, my turn' like so many others. This _was_ her turn. She was glowing too, like the moon reflecting the sun, and wanted them both to savor it down to the faintest ember.

Maura nestled into Jane's shoulder, feeling the most loved she had ever felt. A fingertip wandered in slow little shapes near the small of her back, and lips seemed to peck her forehead with a fresh surge of adoration every few moments. She wasn't really falling asleep for the night; only taking her time to bask in that wonderful haze, grateful for a lover who'd allow her to.

When she felt rested and opened her eyes, the bedroom was lit only by the warm, swaying illumination of that single flame. The windows now only faintly glowed with the dim pink of nighttime city clouds. She'd not heard thunder for a long time, but the rain was steady.

There was only one thing that could motivate her to end an embrace this perfect - she wasn'tabout to leave Jane unsatisfied. She lay still to enjoy it for just another minute before stirring.

Sensing naptime was over, Jane loosened her embrace and propped her head up on one hand.

"Hi."

"Hi." Maura sighed, reaching out to cup Jane's face and run a thumb over the smile she'd heard. It received a kiss as it passed. She could feel the deep dimples that accompanied possibly the biggest smile she'd ever known Jane to manage. If only the light were stronger so she could see it. _You're so happy. You're so happy and I haven't even touched you yet._

"This hurts," she was surprised to hear Jane say.

"What?"

"I love you so much it actually hurts." The deep, dull pain in her chest was both pleasant and unpleasant at once. She often felt this way about Maura, but it had never been half as bad as right now.

Maura felt the same pain. She could assure her that she hadn't detected a heart arrhythmia during their embrace, or perhaps explain the chemicals currently being released in her bloodstream - but based on past experience, that didn't seem likely to help.

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?"

The surprisingly unscientific approach made Jane laugh quietly. "Uh-huh."

"Where does it hurt?"

Maura couldn't help but love Jane just a tiny bit more when she passed on the sexual blank check she'd just been handed, and brought her fingers honestly to her sternum. She planted her lips at the spot.

Although this was not really alleviating Jane's pain, it certainly felt nice to have Maura trying anyway, kissing there firmly and repeatedly. It also felt nice when those lips strayed, finding a nipple that didn't stay soft for long. The intended smart remark dissolved and came out only as a sigh.

Maura's hand found hers and interlocked their fingers and tugged with more strength than Jane expected, bringing her tumbling forward with a _"Whoa." _A laughing and feather-light kiss grew slowly into something deep and promising. Thinking Maura wanted another round, Jane obeyed the tug to lift herself above her once more.

But she was almost surprised when she felt the hands at her waist, at her belt. Not only because she'd forgotten she still had pants on.

"Oh. Me?"

She didn't realize she'd said it out loud until Maura laughed.

"Yes, you." She paused. "Unless you didn't want to?"

"I- no! Just..." Jane reverted to feeling a little sheepish, instantly missing the comfortable, mushy openness she'd been swimming in before. "I guess I really only ever thought of... y'know. Giving."

"You never thought about me reciprocating?"

"Hardly."

"Why not?"

"Cause it's about showin' you... how I feel, you know, making _you_ feel good."

"You did that," Maura smiled. "Very, very," she paused to kiss her, "very well." It'd been obvious already, but Jane's heart still leapt. "There's only one thing that could make me feel even better."

"What?" she asked eagerly, ready to leap out of bed and go make or cook or buy whatever she was about to ask for, before she realized where this was actually going.

"I want to do that for you. I've loved you for so long, Jane. You've made me feel things I thought I wasn't capable of feeling. Not just since we've been together, but all along... you've given me things I'd resigned myself to a life without. I _owe_ you my life, in more ways than one. I want to show you how much I love you for it."

Maybe it was Maura's hand over her chest that made a wave of warmth radiate through Jane's entire body. The thumping beneath quickened.

Jane's next nodding kiss was a clear enough answer. _Reciprocate away._

They hadn't been resting too long, but she'd had time to cool down to a simmer. Pleasing Maura had been as satisfying to her as anything she'd ever felt herself, and so she'd been content that they were done for tonight. But now placed back over the heat, with Maura's tongue teasing at her lips, she found herself fast returning to a boil.

There was another tug and the metallic tinkle of her belt buckle opening. Jane closed her eyes at the sensation of a warm trickle adding to what had already been the wettest she'd ever been in her life. And Maura was about to feel it.

She froze, all expression falling from her face and all concentration focused on Maura's fingers dipping under the band of her panties _maybe you won't find out those don't even match_, past carefully trimmed curls_ and now you know about that,_ and sliding down to _Ohmygod._ The lightest touch made her flinch. She tensed.

"Jane." Maura grinned at the arousal coating her fingers. How many countless times she'd wondered if Jane got as wet for her as she did for Jane... it was wonderful to find out at last.

Jane had tensed; she touched her cheek to get her attention and impart a helpful tip.

"Breathe."

Jane's eyes opened to look questioningly at Maura's, which looked almost equally as dark in the candlelight. Right now, her lungs just burned. _How do you do that thing... where you... air?_

"Thanks," she inhaled to whisper, adding a momentary smile, then going back to being hypnotized by the length of Maura's middle finger coming to rest and sliding, slowly and lightly, up and down her center. Jane's face felt burning hot, brows knitted in stunned pleasure. _How could this possibly feel this good. _**  
**

Soon, when Jane had started trying to slide against her, Maura asked quietly, "Okay?"

Jane knew what it meant, grateful she knew not to tease or surprise. "Mhm," the answer came back shakily.

Maura slipped in slowly, letting Jane ease against her, until she was settled in her palm. And at last she knew what it felt like to be inside Jane - slick and tight and heavenly.

A single, quiet _"Maura"_ fell from above her, and suddenly Jane was kissing her again, as if she'd just remembered she could. The kiss Maura returned was stronger, more artful now that she was in control.

Jane's hands slipped under the smaller woman's arms, wrapping hard around her shoulders and pulling herself up, forward, closer, deeper against the slow rhythm she had begun. Their parted lips swayed just molecules apart, sharing breaths.

She felt herself stretch deliciously to accept a second digit. The silky grip was so tight that Maura might have reconsidered, if not for the murmur of approval.

Jane's eyes squeezed shut, overloaded trying to process the reality of Maura's lips on hers, fingers lovingly massaging the secret ache inside her. That other deep ache that had been intensifying gradually over the years, but so rapidly right now that she might literally die if Maura stopped. She wasn't going to last very long.

Biting her lip, she fought to regulate her breathing, sticking to her deeply ingrained habit. If that filter turned off, she had no idea what would come out. And that was fine, especially now knowing what Maura sounded like, with her friggin'... _angel_ sounds.

But little panting breaths were coming out despite her efforts. Maura loved to hear them, and did everything she could to encourage them. Knowledge of anatomy helped, plus she'd done extensive reading on this topic… out of medical interest, of course. She knew how to curl her fingers slightly in a way that caught Jane off guard and made her stomach clench, and how to kiss her in time to catch the deep, rogue moan that escaped.

Jane tried to blink away the burning tickle at the corners of her eyes. She wasn't crying. It just felt so overwhelmingly, unprecedentedly _good_ that her body seemed unsure how to cope. Maura moved like she knew things Jane didn't. Angles and motions and magic somethings. Things she wouldn't even know how to try on her own. _Yes yes right there ohright there keep yes_

It was getting harder for Maura to keep her fingers moving, her hand being trapped so tightly between Jane's grinding hips and her own thigh. She let Jane move how she needed to.

The doctor's thinking was defying logic again. She had the distinct feeling that the human body must normally be equipped with at least four or five hands, because that was how many she needed to do this properly, and she was severely handicapped with just two. Besides the one at home inside Jane, she needed more to wrap around her tightly, to thread through the back of her head, to stroke at her cheek, to run along her spine, to grasp at the small of her back. Her only spare darted from place to place, trying its hardest to do it all at once.

There was no spot on Jane that did not become her favorite the instant she touched it, but she loved something in particular about the small of her back. The abrupt edge of her pants and belt, and then warm bare skin and muscles rolling smoothly as she rode her hand. The spot where Detective Rizzoli ended and her Jane - her sweet, beautiful, bare, vulnerable Jane - began. She moved against her, not minding the badge digging into her hip.

Jane kissed breathlessly when she could manage, no patience to shake away the curtain of dark tresses trapped between their lips. Maura loved the panting that hissed through clenched teeth, the little moans she could hear her trying to swallow back - so exactly Jane, deep and yet weakening with need, like cracks beginning to show through her iron self control.

Something was building inside Jane, so strong and so big she was almost frightened of what would happen when it tried to come out. It was going to be soon. She moved feverishly against Maura anyway, powerless to shy away from it.

Her limbs were dissolving.

Knuckles white, Jane clutched fistfuls of sheets at Maura's shoulders, and toes curled inside her boots. Trapping her hand between them, pressing so hard that her hips trembled. Maura's heart skipped a beat when she heard Jane beg her name, voice small and hoarse and shaking as she tipped over the edge and stalled there for an instant -

"_Maura_?"

Maura reached under her hair to hold her cheek, finding a glint in eyes intense with pleading uncertainty - Jane was losing control, and that was one thing she didn't know how to be without. _Ican'twhat'sohGodpleaseI'mgonnabreakcatchmehideme_

She cooed a novel of reassurances in one word. "_Jane._" She pulled her closer to kiss her head, letting Jane hear her breathe for company.

Whatever was left of the filter broke. There was nowhere to take refuge except in Maura herself.

Jane let the hand behind her neck guide her down to a soft shoulder, burying her face in the bunch of sheets there just in time to completely let go, trusting herself to Maura, releasing desperate, unbridled moans into her shoulder, muffled breath hot through the fabric. Deep even for Jane, raw, almost animalistic, fragmented by fragile breaths for air as she ground uncontrollably against Maura. Words didn't exist, not even her favorite name.

Maura kept a hand at her neck, holding Jane securely to her, breathing her name in enraptured amazement. A deep flush spread through her, impassioned by the sounds and the force of Jane straining erratically against her, squeezing hard around her fingers, knowing she had totally let go. She tried her best to keep stroking until the tight pulses subsided, and then withdrew, transfixed, to listen to the voice ebb from Jane's panting.

Maura smiled as her rock, her protector slackened, full weight on top of her, heart thudding hard enough for her to feel it through her own chest. She clutched her tightly, fingers sweeping hair aside to cool her dewy nape.

Jane lay there, unable to do anything except breathe. When her mind started to come back, she realized the _sounds_ she had just let Maura hear her make - sounds she'd never even heard herself make - but somehow it was okay. She couldn't catch her breath and she was sweaty and shaking and Maura must be able to feel it, but it was okay. She didn't have the strength to try to hide any of it, and it was all okay. It even felt _good_ to feel so weak, as long as Maura's arms would stay tight around her until she healed.

Maura felt her turn to get more comfortable, little warm tickling jets of breath from a nose snuggling into her neck. She held her tightly, stroking at her hair, soothing her with tiny kisses anywhere she could reach. Jane had trusted her, come completely apart and let her see what was inside - she needed her to know that she was safe, that it had honestly been the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

It took long for Jane's breathing to grow quieter, until there was only the soft pattering of rain at the window.

"_I love you, Jane_," she murmured blissfully into her hair, not even sure if she was speaking or just thinking. _"My beautiful Jane."_

Jane tried to reply in kind, managing only a small four-syllable hum, too exhausted to think clearly.

She had never come like that before, never so intensely, never truly losing all control. The sense of release was unbelievable. She was weightless; if not for Maura's arms mooring her, she would float off into the sky.

Maura listened to Jane draw a deep breath, breaking into an adoring grin when the exhale was jagged.

Glassy dark eyes raised almost shyly to hers, needing to make the final check that it was really okay, relieved to find nothing but adoration in them. She brought Jane's chin up to kiss her lips softly.

"I love you." It was tiny and took all her strength to say it. She felt Maura's lips form the same words against hers.

Not wanting to smush her for too long, she soon tried to roll off, but Maura wouldn't give up the closeness. They ended up somewhere between side-to-side and top-and-bottom, still molded tightly together. Jane lay her head against her, still incapacitated.

"_Hhhmmmmgonnadie,_" she hummed, rocked gently by Maura's chuckle.

One deliberate puff extinguished the room's flickering light.

With Maura's warm bosom for a pillow and heartbeat for a lullaby, Jane was already dreaming without even falling asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Jane was high for the entire night.

The drug was Maura and the side effects were many.

Nuzzles that started and stalled as they both meandered between the lines of consciousness. The contagious hum of giggles stuck in molasses. One constantly-recurring surplus kiss that needed to be deposited somewhere, anywhere, as softly as possible, but _right now._

She was perfectly content to be a junkie.

It was still dark when Maura tired of trying to play footsie with a pair of boots and gathered wits enough to finish undressing her, with willing but very sluggish cooperation.

Right now, she only wanted to snuggle into Jane's chest and tangle their arms and legs, to float in the haze some more, wearing nothing but each other.

To run her fingers in any direction and never hit cloth.

To move any part of her body and feel the matching part against it.

As the hours progressed, favor gradually fell to one certain part. Until the half of her that was awake was so aching with need that Jane could feel it with every tiny, lazy shift.

Jane rearranged nothing except the location of one hand, not even lifting her head from her pillow. Slowly and sleepily, she brought Maura the release that was just beyond her own delirious reach. This time it was brief, simple, quiet.

She thought it'd be impossible to love Maura even more. The shudder and single, sweet little helpless sigh against her chest proved her wrong. Her smile spread against silky hair.

The sky was just beginning to consider dawn.

Maura didn't mean to fall fully asleep. But that haze was so serene and she was so feeble...

Kisses on top of her head assured her it was okay to give in.

They continued even after she had.

* * *

Maura's hand slid out, touching the faintly warm space next to her in sheets that smelled like Jane. Sitting up in the full morning light of the bedroom, she could hear the TV on quietly in the living room and noises that probably involved cooking.

She did a double-take at the clock's display of 9:06.

The reasons for her extreme oversleep rushed back. For a moment she almost worried she'd dreamed it all - but there was no better explanation for her nudity, or the clothes strewn on the floor.

She must not have literally _slept_ for the majority of the night, yet somehow, she felt as restored as if she'd had a long and sound slumber.

After a very quick shower, she borrowed some of Jane's clothes.

She found her tousled lover standing at the stove in pajama bottoms and her BPD shirt - the only person Maura knew who'd go to bed in clothes and then change into sleepwear when she got up. A box of pancake mix sat on the counter.

"Jaaane, you're making me pancakes."

"Hey." Jane turned and smiled, pecking her lips. "Morning."

"Good morning," Maura said with an almost sheepish look. "I think this is the latest I've ever slept."

"I won't tell anybody," Jane promised in her raspy morning voice, somehow managing to make an eyeroll look affectionate. "I was gonna wake you up, but.. I couldn't."

That warm, perfect body had looked so peaceful and at home half-concealed in her bedsheets. If she had turned back to look at her one more time, she probably would have forgotten breakfast and crawled right back in with her. But they'd forgotten dinner last night, too, and Jane would feel like a pretty lousy host if she let Maura starve to death.

Normally Jane grumbled about having to get out of bed at all, much less conjure up a meal more elaborate than cereal. But she'd been planning on this since dawn, with a bizarre excitement for the prospect of having breakfast ready for Maura when she woke up, just to make her smile.

"I was gonna bring you these in bed, but then I decided you'd probably have some kinda seizure at the idea of getting crumbs in the sheets."

Maura took a second to let go of the neurological inaccuracy, and smile as if to say, _you know me well_. She crossed the room, releasing a refreshed yawn, to widen the curtains and peek outside. Puddles lingered on the street below, but the sky was mostly blue.

Jane smirked sideways, watching Maura inhabit her clothes - a white tank top and ratty gray sweats that were a few inches too long on her. She pinched the fabric on each leg so the bottoms didn't drag under her heels, lifting them exactly the same way she would some long, elegant gown. And had Jane ever seen her in a tank top before? She liked it.

"You look good in my clothes. Almost as good as in none." Maura laughed but before she could respond, Jane turned back with a suspicious squint to add, "You wearin' my underwear?"

She paused. "I hope that's alright?"

Jane leveled a look at her. "I think we've reached the underwear threshold now, yes."

"Good. I'll admit I was curious to try, ah... 'boy-shorts'."

Jane snorted at the way it was so foreign to Maura that she'd stopped just short of making finger quotation marks. "How are they?"

She shifted in place slightly, obviously undecided. "...Interesting."

"I'm gonna need to see that at some point, y'know."

"You shall." Maura came back over and saw the plate of finished pancakes, not one of which was remotely circular. She studied them until it dawned on her that their strange blobby shapes must be intentional. Starry eyes rose to Jane's as both hands covered a grin.

"Jane, are you making me _bunny _pancakes?"

"N- well," she turned, looking down at the plate with disappointment. Just a little too much milk... she'd been thinking about throwing them out and starting over. "They were 'sposta be turtles, but... didn't really come out too-"

"_JAAANE_." Whatever Maura giggled as she hugged Jane around the neck was completely unintelligible.

Jane wrapped her with one arm, continuing to tend hopelessly-misshapen puddles of batter with the spatula behind her back. She smiled to herself, waiting until Maura regained enough composure to kiss her softly and whisper, "_Tortoises._"

* * *

After breakfast, Jane was paying more attention to Maura curled up at her side than _The Rockford Files_.

Normally, Maura would be inquiring about every little trick and strategy and Jane would be painstakingly explaining each one. But neither was truly following the plot this time. It was just a pleasantly familiar background murmur while they enjoyed resting together some more.

Jane knew she ought to address last night, but the right words didn't seem to exist. It seemed too daunting; she could never explain all the things she was thinking.

She went a different way.

"Thought maybe you were gonna moan in French," she said, sipping her drink as nonchalantly as possible, but nearly dribbling it all over her shirt when Maura started to laugh, and she did too.

Maura came close to her ear to deposit a kiss and purr, _"Je t'adore de tout mon coeur."_

"Juh... bluh blove you, too."

"I know." She smiled into Jane's eyes for a moment. "I've had people tell me they loved me before. And I believed it before. I mean, they _said_ it, and I took their word for it. But no one's ever _shown_ me like that. I've never _felt_ it before... and I didn't really know that until last night. It's the best thing I've ever felt."

She watched Jane intently soak up every word, nod and grow a heartfelt smile, like it was the best thing she could have heard. Like it was exactly what she'd wanted to say.

"Nothing's ever made me that happy. I don't know how to _be_ that happy. That was the best night of my life, Maur."

Maura did not have to sort through many memories to decide it was hers, too.

"Want to try for 'best weekend'?" she asked with a kiss.

Jane nodded brightly.

"What do you want to do?"

"I wanna barricade us in here all weekend and never answer the phone and be lazy and order giant pepperoni pizza and watch movies annnd... whatever else we feel like."

"Jane." The tone was nagging, sounding as if her plans were about to be shut down in favor of picnics and spa treatments and art galleries.

"We're not doing that?"

"No." She laid her head back against Jane's shoulder. "You _know_ I like mushrooms on my pizza."

* * *

It was unlike Jane to be a minute late for her daily coffee, especially on a Monday.

After waiting around the cafe a little while longer, Maura filled a cup and fixed it the way Jane liked - if she was bogged down with work and stuck at her desk, she'd probably appreciate having it brought to her.

But she didn't even have to enter the bullpen to see that Jane wasn't inside. And she must not be out on business, because her partner was working quietly at his desk. Where was she?

Maura took the elevator back down to her office, wanting to rule out the last obvious place Jane might be before she'd text her to ask.

Just inside the doorway she stopped in her tracks, catching sight of the glass vase on her desk with a whole bouquet of a dozen perfect red roses. Her mouth opened in an amazed smile._ How does she always manage this? I've been away for less than 10 minutes..._

She circled around her desk to sit down and begin to admire them properly, only then noticing her elusive detective smiling from her couch. She hadn't even seen her when she walked right past.

"Oh! Jane, they're beautiful," she beamed. "Thank you."

Once again there were notes on each stem, and she began to read them.

"_Because you're patient... Because you're beaut_-"

"Nono you don't hafta uh-uh," Jane interrupted, squirming to her feet. Listening to someone read what she'd written to them was worse than fingernails on a chalkboard.

She came over and bent to gave her a small kiss on the lips, the first time ever at work. Maura couldn't help but glance towards the open blinds. Although their decision not to show affection at work was a mutual agreement, Jane was always much more adamant.

"Aren't you afraid someone will see?"

"No," Jane answered, taking a deep breath and pointing a thumb at her roses. "This is me asking if you'll be my, um. Girlfriend."

"_I_ haven't been your girlfriend?" Maura teased. She'd considered Jane hers for a long time, and she knew the feeling was mutual, even if they both skirted around being the first to actually use the word.

Jane smiled, biting her lip. "I mean... officially. You're something to brag about, Maur, not something to hide. It's been long enough and I don't want you to feel like I'm not proud to be with you. And I'm tired of keepin' the best thing about my life a secret. So whenev- _if_ you're ever - ready to tell anybody about us... I'll be proud for 'em to know."

"Jane," Maura grinned from ear to ear, standing and kissing her properly - just as Susie strode in. They froze.

"Dr. Isles, we're ready to run comparisuhhh." she trailed off, making a U-turn out of the room without raising her eyes from her manila folder. "Never mind."

"Senior Criminalist Chang must have very poor peripheral vision," Maura puzzled, arms still wrapped around Jane's shoulders.

"She already knows." Jane rolled her eyes. "Caught me in here a couple weeks ago. She's like _ninja_ silent." Her best threatening glare had apparently been enough to convince Susie to keep her mouth shut. "Think it would be inappropriate to try to get her to wear a necklace or something with a little bell on it?"

"You mean a cat collar?" Maura blinked.

Jane snapped her fingers, "Yes!"

"Quite inappropriate. But as I was saying - _yes, _Jane, I would be thrilled to be your girlfriend," she declared with sparkling eyes.

Jane hadn't doubted she'd accept, but still felt a certain weight lift.

"Actually," she continued, "as far back as the mid-19th century, that word originally referred simply to a woman's female friend, without any romantic implication. So really, I have been your girlfriend all along, in one way or the other."

Jane smirked. "You didn't switch ways, though." Maura watched her produce one more rose from inside her blazer - a yellow one - and hand it to her. There was a tag on it, too, but she already knew what it would say. "I want you to be my 19th century girlfriend, too."

She clamped shut another smile. "You're adorable, Jane."

"Ain't I?" she answered, momentarily sporting the cockiest face she could muster.

"I suppose your family should be the first to know." Despite the urge to shout from the rooftops, it wouldn't be right for Angela or Frankie to be the last to find out. And they would probably be the trickiest to break the news to.

Jane nodded. "I was thinkin' maybe we could have a Sunday dinner to tell 'em. I mean, we always do anyway, but maybe we could say you and I are gonna cook instead of Ma, so it's like _our_ thing... what do you think?"

"That would be nice. I'll start thinking about the perfect thing for us to make."

"Oh. Kay." Jane twitched at a vision of herself helping make some scary, complicated recipe in a food-splattered kitchen. "Alright, I gotta get back to work." Since the coast was clear, she gave Maura one more quick peck. "See ya later."

Maura watched her leave, and looked over her roses again, letting her eyes alight on each petal like a butterfly.

Her heart fluttered. Someday soon she'd stand before the family she loved like her own, in hopes of being accepted into it even further, in a way she fantasized that she already was. It would probably go well... or it could go terribly. There were no guarantees. But it was worth the risk just to stand at Jane's side while she told her family that she loved her. Just to be there to back her up with all her heart. Just to be there for her afterwards, no matter whether it was to celebrate or to dry tears.

Oh. She'd forgotten to give her the coffee.

She sighed. A dozen red roses from Jane Rizzoli... she never thought she'd see the day.

Although, the yellow one technically brought it to 13.

Jane had done her homework about the colors, but maybe she didn't know that roses had meaning by number as well. A single rose was a simple _I love you_, and a dozen was the go-to classic of the same message - Maura wasn't aware of the significance of 13, but surely it meant something less romantic.

Curious, she opened her laptop to run a search. She wasn't truly going to nitpick - she'd just like to have her facts straight, in case it was something funny that she could tease Jane about later.

Of course, she'd act like she'd known all along. Jane seemed to think she knew everything off the top of her head, and although there was only the occasional exception, she liked to keep it that way. Just to see Jane try to disguise awe with annoyance.

A few clicks later, her eyes closed as she sank into her chair to giggle. Maybe Jane had done her research after all.

With one more deep breath of its scent, Maura tucked her 13th rose into the center of the bouquet.

******Meaning of roses by number**

**1 Rose - Love/appreciation  
2 Roses - Mutual feelings  
3 Roses - I love you  
7 Roses - I'm infatuated with you  
9 Roses - We'll be together  
10 Roses - You are perfect  
11 Roses - You are my treasured one  
12 Roses - Be mine/declaration of love  
13 Roses - Friends forever  
15 Roses - I'm sorry  
20 Roses - I'm sincere towards you**

* * *

_The end._

Thank you so much everyone who followed, reviewed, encouraged and befriended me during this story. You've made it 37195 times more enjoyable than I expected when I started out, and I definitely want to write more. In the meantime, if I don't know you already, you should totally come be my friend on tumblr at **thepriceismeg**. Cheers! :)


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